Freelancers React to Red vs Blue
by FinchFlyingAce
Summary: Before there was Red vs Blue, there was Project Freelancer. And BOY did the Freelancers get fucked over, now most of them are dead. But death isn't the end for them, instead they are going to... watch a bunch of videos?
1. chapter 1

**-Line Break-**

 _"Son of a bitch."_

 _-Various, Red vs Blue_

 **-Line Break-**

Former Project Freelancer operative Agent Connecticut, also known by nicknames such as Connie or C.T., was dying. She was dying after taking a tomahawk to the chest, courtesy of Agent Texas, her former ally. She had luckily managed to escape thanks to some help from her lover, the leader of the Insurrectionists, but she knew deep down that she wasn't going to make it. All she could do now was hope that Tex found the data chip in her locker and realized what was really going on with the Project. With her boyfriend's help she had reached an escape pod, but it was still too late, all she could do now was give him the vital data needed to combat Project Freelancer.

"Connie…" he murmured, after he had laid her down and both had taken off their helmets. She knew she had to give him the data, but hissed in pain when she tried to move.

"Ah!" Son of a bitch that hurt.

"Connie…" he said again, scared that he was going to lose the woman he loved, and that there was nothing he could do about it.

"Here," She told him, "Take the info. It's not complete, but it will get them started." She handed her lover the data.

"Go." She continued weakly, "Find the new artifact."

"Just rest Connie…" He replied, trying to comfort her, "Just rest…" She was pretty sure he was still trying to say something, but she could not hold on any longer. Her vision slowly faded, and she fell into the embrace of death.

 **-Line Break-**

Another former Agent of Project Freelancer was also not having such a good time. This one went by the name of Agent New York, or just 'York' for short. It had been a while since his days in Project Freelancer, he had abandoned the program, but not without taking a souvenir or two. These 'souvenirs' were in the form of his Freelancer Armor, and an AI Fragment called Delta. After PF had ended, York had made his living as a thief. Or he did, until the familiar helmet/visor of Agent Texas made its way back into his life. She had needed help from him, help locating another Freelancer: Agent Wyoming, as well as getting back her own AI Fragment, Omega. Things had gone pretty well at the start; the two had found Wyoming's hideout and eliminated the guards, but Wyoming himself gave them trouble. Especially considering York had taken some bullets from him after covering for Tex when her gun jammed. Tex managed to temporarily make Wyoming retreat with a grenade before rushing to York's side.

"York! Are you okay?" She asked frantically.

"It's that damn left side." was all he could muster before groaning in pain, cursing an injury he had received during his time with Project Freelancer. An injury that Wyoming actually shared some responsibility for.

"D. Info." Tex demanded. Not even having to wait a second for the green AI to appear hovering over York's body to report his condition.

"York has sustained two wounds to his upper-left chest. Recommend evac stat." he replied with his usual efficient manner.

"Just… need a minute…agh…" said York, trying to ease the worry of his friend as Delta started to activate the healing unit in his armor, another 'souvenir' from Freelancer.

"Administering field-"

"WAIT… wait… Tex… Don't… Don't let…" York said, interrupting Delta, trying to warn Texas about something, but trailing off as he lost consciousness. Regardless, his message was clear: Do not let Wyoming get Delta.

"York is now unconscious. Alarm. Target Alpha has reloaded." reported Delta.

"How bad is it D?" asked Texas.

"York will not survive."

This statement was proven true, as former Agent New York ceased to be among the living.

 **-Line Break-**

Agent Florida, or Captain Butch Flowers as he was known to the Blue Army stationed in the box canyon known as Blood Gulch, had just settled down to go to sleep. Standing up. With his eyes open. As was his custom. That is, until he was approached by Church, one of the Simulation Troopers stationed at Blood Gulch. Or more accurately, he was approached by the Alpha AI from Project Freelancer, the AI fragment he had been tasked with protecting. Apparently, this Alpha was somehow aware that he was going to die of a heart attack in his sleep, and had a vaccine that would save his life. Flowers did not know how 'Church' knew this or what he meant when he said they had not seen each other in a while. Regardless, he was not going to pass up the chance to avoid dying, and allowed Church/Alpha to inject him. Only… hold on a sec… something… did not feel right. This did not go unnoticed by Church/Alpha.

"What? What's the matter?" he asked in confusion.

"That medication, i-it didn't have-UGH… aspirin in it, did it?" Flowers began, having a sinking feeling as to why he did not quite feel so hot, "I'm allergic to aspirin…"

"Ummm…" Oh, son of a bitch.

"Can't feel haunches, spleen failing…" He narrated, his words and body starting to fail, "glutes… gluten Isaac… Church, before I die, I have to tell you something incredibly important, they hold the key to our victory here…"

"What!? What is it?" demanded Church/Alpha, clearly interested in trying to win Blood Gulch, and thankfully unaware that he was not Private Leonard Church, but the Alpha.

" _HURK_." only for Flowers to finally die from the allergic reaction.

Later, Flowers remembers being revived by an alien, working alongside the alien and Agent Wyoming, being possessed by the Omega AI, passing out, and being revived by a medic that was called in by the Blue Army. He was about to share a way to win Blood Gulch, except an unknown sniper put a bullet in his skull and ended his life for the second time.

 **-Line Break-**

Agent Wyoming, known to some as Reginald or "Reggie", was gloating, there was no denying it. He had Tex and those annoying Sim Troopers trapped with no way to win. This was due to two things: One, he had their tank, which was currently being controlled by his AI Fragment, Gamma or 'Gary'. Two, his armor enhancement, which allowed him to go back in time in short increments and only he remembered anything. Or that was what he thought. He had been having a little bit of trouble with one of the Sim Troopers. The aqua one. Tucker. For some reason Tucker was also able to remember the time loops, until now that is. He had already knocked out Tex and was simply going through the motions as he had for a couple dozen loops.

"Oh, poor Tex. Never could understand when she was-" Wyoming crowed, only to be cut off by pain exploding from his chest, most likely due to the two blades of energy that were poking through his chestplate.

"Beaten?" offered Tucker.

"Oh… dear…" was all Wyoming could muster before Tucker removed the sword from his torso.

"Reggie!" called out Gamma, but it was too late. Wyoming slumped to the ground, dead.

-Line Break-

Things were hardly any better for a man who had actually chosen to stay with Project Freelancer, but had been screwed over by said program regardless. This was Agent North Dakota, or 'North' as he was called. North was currently being attacked by a monster that had once been a man. A man who had also been a part of Project Freelancer, Agent Maine. Although these days, he was more commonly referred to as 'The Meta'. The Meta only had one goal it seemed: track down Freelancer Agents that had received an AI Fragment, kill the Freelancer, then take the AI, as well as any armor enhancements they may have. One can then make educated guess as to why The Meta was now targeting Agent North. North had told his sister, Agent South Dakota or 'South' to leave him behind, and was currently trying to stay alive within a Bubble Shield after sustaining severe injuries. He was doing this while simultaneously trying to comfort Theta, a purple AI Fragment who sounded, and tended to act like, a small child. Theta was currently panicking, North was injured and dying, that thing was after them, and all this resulted in him struggling to keep the Bubble Shield calibrated while The Meta prowled along the outside like a hungry wolf.

"It's going to be okay Theta." North told the scared AI, "Everything is going to be fine." He was trying to comfort the kid, but Theta was implanted _into_ North. They basically shared a spot in his head, his mind, so both knew that he was lying. North did not need Theta to tell him that given his injuries and the fact that the AI would not be able to keep the Bubble Shield up much longer, there was little to no chance that Agent North Dakota was getting out of this alive. With that in mind, and feeling himself fading fast. North could only do one more thing. Turning to the hulking, armored man that stood just outside the flickering Bubble Shield, he spoke.

"Hey Maine," he started, deep down he knew that Maine was no more, and that he was speaking to The Meta. However, he refused to believe that Maine did not still exist somewhere within that body.

"Do me a favor," he continued, "take care of Theta for me will ya? He gets scared easily." He slumped to the floor, no longer having the energy to remain standing. He heard Theta in his mind, pleading him to get up. His vision was fading fast.

"North!" the childish AI finally called out, "Please don't leave me! Please don't die North! Please!"

The last thing Agent North Dakota saw, was the man formerly known as Maine lift up his Brute Shot, an alien grenade launcher with a blade attached to it, and plunge the blade into his chest.

 **-Line Break-**

The previously mentioned Agent South Dakota was not having a great time either. Actually it was more accurate to say that she was tired, hurt, and above all, pissed. She had gotten screwed over during her time with Project Freelancer _big time_ , that _thing_ that used to be Agent Maine had killed her brother, and then when she managed to get her hands on Delta, which involved her betraying Agent Washington, as were her orders, The Meta had managed to track her down. Washington, and two Sims that were with him for some reason, had somehow managed to chase it off. She had tried to run away during the chaos, but one of those damn Sim Troopers _shot her_ and now Delta was making up some bullshit story about how she purposefully got North killed. Now she had to deal with the fact that the AI Fragment had suggested to Wash that since she was injured, she would 'hamper their progress' and the they should not 'allow' her 'hamper their progress' making it quite clear what he was implying. The worst part was, Washington was making like he was actually going to kill her! Like he had the balls, and she would prove it.

"Oh come on Wash," she taunted, staring down the barrel of Wash's magnum, "what are you gonna do? Shoot-"

 _ **BANG**_

And just like that, everything went black.

 **-Line Break-**

The being known as The Meta, who had once gone by the name of Agent Maine of Project Freelancer, was on a rampage. After the man once known as Maine had been brainwashed by the AI Fragment called Sigma, he had gone on a killing spree, collecting armor enhancements and more AI Fragments along the way. He had been succeeding for a while, collecting several AI from his former friends and teammates, until Washington and the Alpha decided to work together and trigger an emp. This in turn resulted in every single AI in range to be completely destroyed, leaving him with a bunch of armor enhancements and no AI to power them. Then, after he and Washington had to work together to reclaim the Epsilon AI, the only other AI to escape the emp, their little journey resulted in a fight on Sidewinder. Epsilon's recovery beacon had triggered, leading them right to it, only for them to discover it had been purposefully triggered by none other than Agent Texas. Or more appropriately, the AI Fragment designated as 'Beta'. During the skirmish, The Meta had managed to use the Memory Unit to stab Beta/Tex in the face, trapping her in there. Which also provided him with an AI to power his equipment. This then resulted in a fight with Washington, as The Meta sought to eliminate him so that no one would get in his way of taking Epsilon as well.

Just as he was about to deal the killing blow, the Sim Troopers from before crashed in with a Pelican, temporarily interrupting the moment. After he woke up from being knocked out from the incident, he continued his assault on Washington, which admittedly, was getting harder. During the fight against Beta/Tex he had taken a bit of a beating, including getting stabbed and pretty much getting his back broken. Then Washington threw a knife at him during their fight and stabbed him for a second time. Then when the Sims came back from wherever they had wandered off to, he got stabbed _again_ , this time with an alien sword wielded by the aqua colored one. He had dealt with them easily enough, they were not dead yet, but they would be soon. Currently he was facing off against a bright red Sim. The Meta had lost his Brute Shot, but marched towards the red Sim Trooper regardless, even though that meant he ended up having to tank getting hit by shotgun blasts. He effortlessly batted away the shotgun from the hands of the old, senile trooper and picked him up by the throat. The Meta was furious thinking about this guy. He, along with the other Simulation Troopers had given him nothing but trouble, and The Meta was finally going to kill one of them. The red soldier had shouted to one of the other Sims about how he had lost his shotgun, but The Meta payed no attention to his nonsense. Unfortunately, in his anger The Meta did not notice the sensation of something being attached to his chestplate. He was about to start killing the annoying Sim only to realize that said Sim was speaking to him.

"Hey Meta," the red Sim choked out in his southern accent before jerking his head to the side, "Settle a bet would ya? Does that thing look kinda like a big cat to you?"

Looking to where the man had motioned to, the Meta saw two other Sim Troopers, a maroon and an orange one, pushing a Warthog off the cliffside. That made no sense, what purpose did that serve? Wait, why was one of the tow hooks missing? Now that he thought about it, what was that he felt on his chest?

Looking down at his chest, The Meta finally noticed the Warthog's tow hook attached to his chestplate. The same Warthog that was being pushed off the cliff! Before he could make to get the hook unattached, the two Sim Troopers had managed to push the jeep off the cliff, taking him along with it. The force of the jerk as The Meta was pulled towards the cliff edge resulted in the Memory Unit to be knocked off his back, taking Beta with it. There was nothing he could do to stop the jeep from pulling him to his doom, but if he was going to die because of these worthless Sims then he would sure as hell take one of them with him. As he was dragged along, The Meta noticed that the orange one had taken his Brute Shot. Perfect, that would be the one he killed, the one who dared to try and steal his weapon. As he passed said Sim he grabbed his leg, which resulted in the Sim Trooper to be quickly dragged along with him to the cliff edge.

"Grif!" cried the maroon soldier, as he dived towards his fellow Sim Trooper.

"Simmons! Grab my hand!" the orange soldier, apparently named Grif, cried back. The two grabbed each other's hands which jerked the orange soldier from The Meta's grip. As The Meta fell towards the ocean his mind raced. How was he going to get out of this? What armor enhancements could he use? The bubble shield was useless, and he did not have an AI to calibrate it properly anyway. Temporal Distortion would not be any help either, and again, he had no AI to use it properly. Enhanced Strength and Cloaking were also no help in this situation. Then… this was it. There was no way out of this. With no options at his disposal, The Meta crashed into the freezing ocean, freezing water flooding his armor and flowing into his stab wounds. Knocked out on impact with the water, the man once known as Agent Maine succumbed to death.

 **-Line Break-**

Arguably however, the one former Freelancer who had the worst luck, was Agent Texas. Tex had been through alot in her life. First, she was actually the AI Fragment Beta, a shadow of the memory of one Allison Church that was created as a by-product during the creation of the Alpha AI.. Created to try and replace the deceased wife of the Director of Project Freelancer. Second, she had died more times than she cared to remember. There was her first death, as Allison Church who died during the Great War. Then, when she was sent to the Simulation Base designated 'Blood Gulch' as part of a training exercise, she got captured by the Red Team. She was rescued by the Blue Team that had 'hired' her, but it was when she repaired their tank and led an assault on Red Base that things truly went south. See, the reason she got captured by the Red Team was because she was trying to get the Blue Team's flag back, and when she was sneaking in she had stuck a grenade to the face of a new recruit. Back to the present, the recruit had apparently survived and had come back with a vengeance. Which resulted in the guy lobbing a grenade halfway across the canyon, and the grenade landing _right smack on her chestplate_.

Honestly? The feat would have impressed even Texas if it were not for the fact that she now had a grenade stuck to her chest. With only enough time for Tex to let out an "Oh, crap!" the grenade exploded and killed Texas. Texas would later die in a few other ways as well, such as being killed by an alien who snuck up on her, or having the Red Team plant a bomb on her ship and blow her to hell,or getting captured by The Meta only to get destroyed by an emp, or being stabbed in the face by The Meta and getting trapped in the Memory Unit. Her last death, or at least the last death she can remember, gave her a good amount of closure.

You see, remember how Agent Texas is not exactly 'human'? But rather, she is an AI Fragment who, if you remember, got trapped in the Memory Unit during her fight with Agent Washington and The Meta? After The Meta was defeated, Church followed her into the Recovery Unit. Oh, and when I say 'Church', I mean Epsilon, not Alpha. So Church followed her into the Recovery Unit intent on getting her out, using the memories of Alpha's time at Blood Gulch to try and track her down. He did eventually get called out on this by a version of Tucker that he was being a total stalker, which led him to the current encounter between the two where Church had been talking about the purpose of each of his iterations.. The world seemed to be ending (Read: The Memory Unit was dying), tremors had been occurring and were increasing in frequency and intensity. Oh, and the sky was splitting open. So Tex and Church had opted to spend their last moments with each other on top of Blue Base.

"I guess this is it." She said.

"Hey Tex," began Church, "there's something I need to tell you. I think it's important that I say this." Where was he going with this?

"Wait a second. Look, I can take the whole 'at peace with the world' thing, and I can even stomach all the 'accept your fate' stuff. But…" Tex paused, she did not want a 'goodbye' to happen, "Just do me a favor, okay? Don't say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. I mean, we are space warriors, right? We should try to maintain some level of credibility."

"No, no, no, Tex, no." Church assured her, "I think I just figured out what the Director couldn't. And Alpha either. It was you, Tex, all along. See I thought- I thought we, made you. The Director, and the fragments... but that's not the case. You made us. When the Alpha was created, you just kinda came along for the ride. You gave the Director the idea that he could make something more. That he could split the Alpha up. Don't you get it? You were the memory. You were the key. You were so strong, you made a whole other person. God - he always wanted to find you. You know, to get you right. To just see you one last time. And he wanted me to be able to do the same. To find you in here or... just, go down another iteration. Figure out this little Tex problem. Figure out how to do it right. But now I know. I know how to fix all o' this. How to end it once and for all. It was so simple all along. I just had to tell you three words. Three words I wasn't capable of telling you before." Oh, if this was going where she thought this was going, she had to do something about it.

"Oh, okay, wait a minute... are you gonna say 'I love you?'"

"No Tex, no, I'm not gonna say I love you. ...I'm gonna say I forget you." And the penny drops, with those last three words, Texas/Beta could feel herself start to drift, free at last. Her vision started to darken, and sounds started to become distant.

"I forget you. I'm letting you go."

Texas/Beta was almost gone. With her final moments, the last thing she saw was Church turn to the sky and shout,

"OKAY WORLD, DO YOUR FUCKING WORST… cause I sure as hell just did mine…"

 **-Line Break-**

Now, considering that all of these people, the Agents of Project Freelancer, died in various degrees in pain and brutality. Most would expect that death would simply be the end for them. That was what the Freelancers thought too. So imagine their surprise when they found themselves standing in a white expanse of nothingness, and then for a cozy looking room to form around them. That, and they were greeted by the sight of a boy that looked to be about 17 or 18, who then smiled.

"Hello there." he began, "Now, let's get introductions out of the way. You see, I have a proposition for you."

 **Author's Notes**

 **First off, I feel like I should apologise for the length of this chapter. I mean, it was only supposed to be a prologue and yet it took up *sweatdrops* 13 and a half pages on Google Docs. So, this is going to be a Fic where, as you probably guessed by the title, our favorite Freelancers are going to be reacting to none other than Red vs Blue, with a bit of a twist that I haven't really seen anyone do yet. Any of the fics I can find involve some kid somehow being transported from Earth to the Mother of Invention and having to show the Freelancers RvB. I wanted to give my own spin as the ones I've seen either skip right to Season 5 and the Freelancers can't make it past the first few episodes, or it starts on Season 1 and never really gets past there. I can assure you all that future chapters will not be this long given that RvB episodes aren't usually that long. I will try to upload when I can, but my writing may get interrupted by school in about a month, or my own laziness. As with any Fic on this site, I, as the author, would appreciate any reviews or follows. See you next chapter.**


	2. Season 1: Episode 1

**-Line Break-**

" _You ever wonder why we're here?"_

 _-Various, Red vs Blue_

 **-Line Break-**

As one would probably expect given the situation, there was immediate chaos, which meant lots of shouting. York and Tex took one look at Wyoming and Maine respectively and fell into fighting stances. North was surprised to see South, and even more surprised when she ran over to him and hugged him tight while crying. Although both were very wary about seeing Maine again. Maine and Wyoming had also gotten into fighting stances after seeing York and Tex do so. As for Connie and Florida, they were just trying to figure out how they weren't dead. Well, in Florida's case it would actually be more correct to say that he was trying to figure out if he was dead for real this time. Meanwhile, the mysterious boy was trying to restore order calmly before he gave up and went with the most effective method he knew, shout at a volume higher than most humans could reach.

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN AND SHUT THE HELL UP!" he boomed. That made them stop alright, it's not every day that you hear a kid who looks like he's barely old enough to vote scream louder than a rock concert after all. Seeing he had everyone's attention, the boy composed himself once more, and continued to speak.

"Now that we all have that out of our system, about the off-"

"Who are you?"

"Where are we?"

"What the hell is The Meta doing here?"

"How am I not dead?"

"You said you had an offer, what do want us to do and how much are you paying?"

" _Grrrrrrrrrrr?_ "

Only to be cut off by questions from Connie, Flowers, South, North and York and Wyoming, Tex, and Maine in that order. Before answering, the boy simply looked at all of them.

"Am I ever going to actually tell you guys anything or are you all just going to keep interrupting?" After hearing 'sorry' mumbled a few times he continued.

"Now, I told you all that I have an offer, we'll be getting to that shortly. First things first, introductions. I am Ivan."

After hearing his name, the Freelancer gave him a once-over. He had straight black hair that was cut short. He had fair skin with some freckles on his face, and he wore glasses. His eyes were red, but not blood red, he didn't look like a vampire or something. He was tall and seemed to have an average build, and his outfit wasn't anything interesting. Although, he did wear a cape, like something a fairytale prince would wear.

"Now, before we get to my offer, I'm sure you have many questions. Possibly more than you've already asked, so I will answer those first. To start, you all are in the underworld. Second, that man is no longer 'The Meta' but is Agent Maine once more. Third, you _are_ dead. Fourth, I will get to the offer very soon, but I can tell you right now you're not getting paid. Fifth… I have no idea what you were trying to ask."

Tex decided to take charge and step forward.

"Alright 'Ivan', you may have answered some of our questions, but I don't care about the offer anymore if I'm not getting paid." This statement caused some of the other Freelancers to look at her in surprise, they had always remembered her as a soldier that followed orders, not a mercenary that worked for the highest bidder. The rest were just trying to make sense of what Ivan had said. What did he mean by 'Underworld'? They were all dead? Maine was just happy he was free from Sigma's brainwashing, even if no one else could tell because of his helmet.

"Are you sure?" asked Ivan, breaking everyone from their thoughts.

"Because as I said before, you all are dead. So what else are you going to do exactly? It's not like you can force me to let you go, none of you have any weapons, and I _promise_ you that I am the most powerful person here."

That actually gave Tex some pause. She hadn't exactly thought that far ahead.

"Look, why don't you just hear me out, and you all give my offer a try? What do you all say?"

Looking between themselves, the Freelancers tried to weigh their options as best they could.

"Why not." said Connie. She wanted to ask Tex if she had found the data chip, but that could wait until after they were done with this Ivan kid. One by one the other Freelancers agreed as well, seeing how they were a bit low on options. Ivan smiled in response.

"In that case, why don't you all take a seat?" he said as he gestured around the room. The Freelancers actually _looked_ at the room they were in for the first time. It had wooden walls, on the back wall there was a fridge, some cabinets, a sink and a dishwasher. On the opposite wall was a large television. There was also a large sofa, as well as some beanbag chairs and recliners. Tex, York, North and South sat on the Sofa. Connie and Florida each took a beanbag chair. Maine and Wyoming each took a recliner. All in all, the room looked like it belonged in a cozy little cabin.

"You can all take off your helmets by the way." explained Ivan, pointing to his head. Looking at each other, the Freelancers shrugged and took off their helmets. They were all particularly interested in Tex taking off her helmet, since they had never seen her face. As she took it off, she revealed long blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, and green eyes. The only two Freelancers that opted not to remove their helmets were Connie and Maine. Connie chose not too because she didn't have it on to begin with, and Maine kept his helmet on because… moving on. The Freelancers all took their seats and Ivan looked over them, making sure they were comfy.

"Now, what I want you people to do is: I want you to watch some videos." That 'offer' could not have come farther out of left field. The agents had been expecting him to ask them to retrieve or steal something, or perform an assassination. They were expecting something _military._

"What exactly do we get out of this?" asked Tex. Ivan sighed.

"You see," he explained, "You all died. You are in Hades. The Underworld. The Land of the Dead. Normally, you would be judged for your actions in life and you would be assigned to one of three places. The Fields of Asphodel, which is essentially limbo. Elysium, which is where you go if you die a hero's death to feast and celebrate for eternity, and possibly be selected for reincarnation. Or the Fields of Punishment, which is pretty self-explanatory, if you were evil in life you are sent there to pay for your crimes." Hearing this, the Freelancers looked at each other nervously, most of them had the feeling that they would probably be sentenced to the Fields of Asphodel at best, or Fields of Punishment at worst. Maine wondered whether he himself would be held accountable for what Sigma made him do.

"Now what _I_ did," continued Ivan, "What I did is I pulled some strings, instead of receiving judgement, you all would watch these videos I have for you. Now looking at your faces, you all can probably guess that I may have saved some of you from eternal damnation. With that out of the way, let's get to what the readers are here for, shall we?"

"Wait, what was that last part?" asked Connie. Ivan ignored her and pulled out stack of DVD cases from thin air and popped open the tray to the DVD player underneath the TV. Opening one of the cases he placed the disc into the DVD player and moved back to sit in an unoccupied recliner. He then pulled out a remote and hit the play button.

 ***Begin Episode 1***

 _ **Roosterteeth Presents:**_

 _ ***guitar***_

 **The scene fades in and lowers into a canyon, showing a military base with four soldiers and a Warthog jeep beside it. 'RED' scrolls across the screen behind the group of soldiers.**

 _ **Roses are red**_

 _ **And Violets are blue**_

 **The camera zooms in on a soldier wearing bright red armor and holding a shotgun. 'Sarge' scrolls across the screen behind him.**

 _ **One day we'll cruise down Blood Gulch Avenue**_

 **The camera switches to a soldier who is wearing orange armor and driving the Warthog. 'Grif' scrolls behind him.**

 _ **It's red versus red**_

 _ **And blue versus blue**_

 **The camera switches to a maroon wearing soldier who is manning the Warthog's mounted turret. 'Simmons' scrolls behind him.**

 _ **It's I against I**_

 _ **And me against you**_

 **The camera switches to another soldier wearing bright red armor, only this one has a magnum instead of a shotgun. 'Donut' scrolls across the screen. The camera then zooms across the canyon to another base. This one with three soldiers and a tank, this time 'BLUE' lowers onto the screen behind the new group.**

 _ **Violets are blue**_

 _ **Roses are red**_

 **The camera zooms in on a soldier wearing aqua-colored armor wearing a magnum. 'Tucker' scrolls behind him.**

 _ **Living like this we were already dead**_

 **The camera switches to a soldier standing on top of the base, holding a sniper rifle and wearing sky blue armor. 'Church' scrolls behind him.**

 _ ***slight techno music***_

 **The camera then switches to a soldier wearing black armor holding an assault rifle. The soldier temporarily activates a cloaking device as 'Tex' scrolls across the screen.**

 _ **Hop in my car, it don't have any do~ors**_

 **A fourth soldier hops out of the tank wearing bright blue armor. 'Caboose' scrolls behind him. The camera then switches to the tank's headlights, 'Sheila' scrolls across the screen.**

 _ **It's built like a cat, it lands on all fo~urs**_

 **The camera zooms across the canyon again to focus on a soldier wearing brown armor. 'Lopez' scrolls behind him. The camera than zooms towards a cave before different scenes are shown. First, a wide shot of the canyon is shown. Then, the warthog speeds across the ground. 'Sarge' and 'Grif' are shown standing next to each other talking to someone off-screen. 'Church' and 'Tucker' are standing on a cliff, and 'Church' is aiming the sniper rifle at something. 'Donut' is shown standing on top of a base holding a blue flag. 'Sheila's' main cannon is fired at something. Another shot of Tex's face is shown before the camera switches to a view of a space station.**

 _ **My car's like a puma, it drives on all fo~urs**_

 **The camera then switches to a man sitting at a desk. 'Vic' scrolls behind him. The camera then shows a top-down view of the canyon. An alien vehicle flies towards the screen. 'Caboose' and 'Church' are standing on top of a base, 'Church' fires his sniper rifle at something. 'Sarge' and 'Grif' are standing on top of the other base, 'Sarge' fires his shotgun at something. 'Caboose' is shown piloting 'Sheila'. 'Simmons' is shown firing the Warthog's mounted turret. 'Sheila' is driven towards the camera. The Warthog is jumped off of a hill** _ **Dukes of Hazzard**_ **style. Then, the screen switches to pitch black with 'Red vs Blue: Season 1' in the middle.**

"Catchy tune." York comments.

"Yeah." agreed Ivan.

"Uh, something wrong old chap?" Wyoming asked Maine. Maine was too busy glaring at the screen, those were those damn sims that killed him on Sidewinder! He would admit that he had tried to kill him, so they had every right to fight back. That didn't mean that getting stabbed and shot multiple times, and then being tied to a car that was then pushed off a cliff didn't still hurt like hell.

"Wait a minute." demanded South. Ivan paused the video.

"Are we going to be watching a bunch of damn _Sims_?"

"Uhhhh… I guess?" answered Ivan.

"What do you mean 'you guess'? Also, I'm pretty sure I recognize two of those blue sims!"

"I recognize more than two of them." said Wyoming, "And I'm sure Tex does as well."

"What?" asked North.

"Care to explain?" Tex asked Ivan.

"Well, um, you see… the thing is," Ivan answered sheepishly, "I haven't watched these myself. So, um, if any of you are familiar with these events, keep it to yourself."

"Why?" asked Tex.

"Like I said, I haven't watched this stuff myself, and you all died at different points in time in relation to these events. I'm trying to make sure nothing gets spoiled for anyone is what I'm trying to say."

The Freelancers just kind of looked at him.

"Can we just watch the damn video?" asked Ivan with a hint of irritation in his voice. He pressed the resume button as he was answered with multiple 'Fine's.

 **After a fade-in, the camera pans upwards to show Grif and Simmons standing on top of Red Base. Simmons then turns to Grif.**

" **Hey."**

" **Yeah?" answered Grif.**

" **You ever wonder why we're here?"**

York snorted, "How philosophical."

" **It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it?" answered Grif, "Why ARE we here? I mean, are we the product of… some cosmic coincidence or… is there really a God? Watching everything? Y'know, with a plan for us, and stuff? I dunno, man. But it keeps me up at night."**

"That was deep." said North. Florida nodded in agreement.

"I wouldn't say anything just yet." said Tex.

"Why?"

"You'll see."

 **The two soldiers stared at each other until Simmons broke the silence.**

" _ **What?**_ **I meant why are we out here, in this canyon?"**

"Told ya." Tex said to North.

" **Oh, uh… yeah."**

" **What was all that stuff about God?" asked Simmons**

" **Uhhhh… hmm? Nothing." answered Grif.**

" **You wanna talk about it?" asked Simmons.**

" **No." Grif said quickly.**

" **You sure?"**

" **Yeah." came the response just as quickly. Simmons decided to just let that topic drop.**

" **Seriously though, why are we out here?" Simmons asked, continuing his initial train of thought, "As far as I can tell, it's just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere, no way in or out."**

 _Do they not know?_ Thought the Freelancers.

" **Mm-hmm." Grif responded.**

" **The only reason that we set up a Red base here is because they have a Blue base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue base over there is because we have a Red base here." continued Simmons.**

" **Yeah, that's because we're fighting each other." answered Grif.**

" **No, no, I mean, even if we pulled out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have** _ **two**_ **bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo."**

" **What's up with that anyway?" agreed Grif, "I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch a blue guys."**

 _Holy shit, they actually don't know that it's all fake!_ the Freelancers realized.

 **The camera switches to a cliffside, where Church is using a sniper rifle to spy on Grif and Simmons, with Tucker standing behind him.**

" **What are they doing?" asked Tucker. This causes Church to lower the sniper rifle and turn towards that aqua-colored soldier.**

" _ **What?"**_ **responded, with irritation evident in his tone.**

"Something tells me that isn't the first time…" Connie started, before realizing that she hadn't fully paid attention to the names during the opening, "um… Tucker?" she guessed turning towards the others to see if they knew.

"Tucker." confirmed Tex, Wyoming, and Florida simultaneously.

"Tucker has asked that" she finished, the video then confirming her suspicions.

" **I said, what are they doing now?" repeated Tucker.**

" **God** _ **damn**_ **, I'm getting so** _ **sick**_ **of answering that question." Church snapped.**

" **You have the fucking rifle, I can't see shit!" Tucker shot back, "Don't bitch at me because I'm not going to just sit up here and play with my dic-"**

"Classy." muttered South.

"Classic Tucker." Tex said, with almost a hint of nostalgia, earning her a look from South and a few of the others.

" **Okay, okay, look." Church said, cutting off Tucker, "They're just standing there and talking okay? That's all they're doing. That's all they** _ **ever**_ **do, is just stand there and talk. That's what they were doing** _ **last week**_ **. That's what they were doing when you asked me** _ **five minutes ago**_ **. So five minutes from** _ **now**_ **, when you ask me, 'What are they doing?', my answer's gonna be, 'They're still just talking, and they're still just standing there.'" Tucker turns to look down the cliff at Red base before turning back to Church.**

" **What are they talking about?" he asked. Church looked at him for a moment.**

" **You know what?" he finally said, "I fucking hate you."**

"Oh Church," said Florida, "Don't be like that. At least he asked a different question."

 **The camera switches back to Grif and Simmons' conversation at Red base.**

" **Talk about a waste of resources." said Grif, "I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life. Y'know, fight** _ **them**_ **."**

" **Yeah, no shit." agreed Simmons, "That's why they should put** _ **us**_ **in charge."**

 **The camera cuts to a shot of a soldier standing in front of the base as he shouts at Grif and Simmons with a southern accent.**

" **Ladies! Front and centre on the double!"**

" **Fuck." mutters Simmons.**

" **Yes, sir!" Grif calls back.**

 ***End Episode 1***

"That's it?" asked North, "That was only a few minutes."

"Well, it was only the first one. There are a lot more to go through." Ivan pointed out, lifting the remote to play the next episode.

"Hold it." said South, "We only agreed to watch the first one."

"Indeed," agreed Wyoming, "We never said anything about accepting your offer." Ivan just looked at the two.

"We've already been over this, you all are dead. You aren't going to be doing anything else. Besides, in exchange for watching and reacting to these, you all don't have to worry about being judged."

"Yeah, about that whole 'judgment' thing. Say we refused your offer and got judged, where would we end up?" questioned York.

"I can't say for sure, I made sure I was only told the bare minimum details of your deaths to try and avoid spoilers." answered Ivan, "I can say that I'm pretty sure most of you would end up in Asphodel. Except for you three." He said, pointing at North, Connie, and Wyoming.

"You two," he continued pointing to North and Connie again, "would have the best chances of making it into Elysium given the circumstances of your deaths."

"You however," he said as he turned to Wyoming, "Would be sent to the Fields of Punishment, no doubt." These revelations gave the Freelancers pause, they were still kind of trying to wrap their heads around the fact that they were all dead. Not to mention there were still questions.

"Wait," began North, "Does it have to be a unanimous decision?"

"It's not necessary but it would be preferable if you all said yes, why?" Ivan responded, studying the older man's face.

"And you have a lot of pull in the afterlife, right?"

"I'm not the final authority, but yes."

"If I agree to watch these videos," North started slowly, "Would you be able to make sure that my sister can take my place in that Elysium place?" This caused South's eyes to widen.

"North! No!" she shouted, startling everyone, "You already sacrificed yourself to save me when…" she trailed off, looking at Maine, who in turn looked away in… shame?

"I'm your older brother, I'm supposed to protect you."

"By three fucking minutes!"

"It wouldn't be possible regardless." Ivan cut in, making the twins pause to look at him.

"I wouldn't be able to overrule a judgement like that."

"Why not?" demanded North.

"Yeah," Connie chimed in, "You seem to have a lot of pull here."

"Doesn't matter. I still can't do that."

"But why not?" insisted North.

"Because the whole point of being judged is that it has to be fair and just. If I could just put the newly dead wherever I wanted, there would be no point in judging them."

"I would like to ask how you even have any pull in this place anyway." Florida said.

"Yeah, you said we were in hell or something right?" York asked.

"I never said that." replied Ivan, "I said you were in the underworld. Are any of you familiar with Greek mythology? Let me explain, Hades is the God of the Underworld, which is where people go when they die."

"What about heaven or hell?" Wyoming interrupted, "are they just fake?"

"They're real, in a way. However, that's not important right now. When people die, they go to the underworld, and after crossing the River Styx, they are judged based on their actions in life. You all have died, and I got permission to allow you to bypass being judged and instead watch these videos if you so choose."

"How?" asked Tex.

"What?"

"How did you get that kind of permission, how do you even have any pull here in the underworld? Are you this Hades guy in disguise?"

"No, no, you see…" Ivan started before scratching the back of his head, "You see, Hades is the king of the underworld, and… I am the prince." That was something _none_ of the Freelancers were expecting.

"So you're this Hades chap's son?" asked Wyoming.

"Not exactly," Ivan began, before stopping to think about it, "I mean, I guess I'm technically his _adopted_ son…"

"How did you become prince of the underworld anyway?" asked York.

"That's a long story, and without context it's a story that will raise more questions than it answers. And giving context is an even longer story that no one wants to hear." answered Ivan before sighing in frustration.

" _Look_ , your options are either watch these videos with me, or be judged and sentenced. The decision does not have to be unanimous. Unfortunately, there's no way for any of you to really haggle or barter your way into more options. That is my final offer, take it or leave it." Now the Freelancers were faced with this decision that would decide their fates, at least they only really had to worry about themselves. Connecticut wasn't sure what to choose, if she watched the videos, she might learn what happened after she died, if she was judged then she had a chance at paradise. York didn't mind watching the videos as much as some of the others, and Greek limbo sounded boring. Florida was more than happy to watch these videos starring Church and Tucker, as well as the Red team he picked out for Blood Gulch. Maine didn't really want much to do with the videos involving those pesky Sims, but he also didn't want to risk Greek hell for something he couldn't control. Wyoming thought similarly, with the exception of that he knew that if he got sentenced to these 'Fields of Punishment' he absolutely deserved it. Tex didn't really care either way. The twins were a bit torn, North was a little sad that he hadn't been able to get South into Elysium, but if she ended up agreeing to watch then he would too. South was tempted to ask Ivan if he could guarantee North getting into paradise if she agreed to stay, but she knew that if she stayed then North would stay. She also did not want to risk North trying to haggle with Ivan into getting him sentenced to Asphodel alongside her. So if staying here meant North wouldn't try to do that, then she would stay. Even if it meant watching a bunch of Sims, at least she would be able to repay North for sacrificing himself to save her from The Meta. Speaking of him, she was actually pretty glad Maine was back to normal, even if she didn't show it. All the Freelancers turned to Ivan, who looked up from a handheld game device he had pulled out from… wherever he got the discs from probably.

"I'm guessing you all have made your decisions?" he asked, seeing everyone nod he put the game device in his pocket.

"So, who wants to go first?"

"I'm staying." said York.

"Me too," agreed Florida.

"Well, seeing as my choices are either watching the misadventures of a bunch of Sim Troopers, or eternal damnation. I believe my decision is clear." stated Wyoming.

"I guess I'll stay," said Connie, "It could be fun." she wasn't going to admit it just yet, but she thought that these videos looked like they could be funny. Maine responded by making himself more comfy in his recliner. North and South looked at each other.

"You staying?" asked South.

"Depends." answered North, "Are you?"

"What if I wasn't a factor? You can stay if you want, or go to your Elysium paradise thingy. I don't care, I've caused you enough trouble in the past."

"I just want to make sure you're safe." South rolled her eyes at that response.

"I just said stop worrying about me. Look, worst case scenario, I get stuck in Greek limbo. It'll be boring, but that's it."

"I'm your brother, it's my job to worry about you." North countered.

"Whatever, I'm staying." This surprised North.

"Really? I thought you wouldn't want to since these guys are Sim Troopers."

"I'm only staying because I know if I don't, you'll give up your spot in paradise to get stuck in Asphodel with me. I'm not letting you do that to yourself because of me."

"But-" North was going to argue, but was cut off by South.

"End of discussion," she said as she turned to Ivan, "You heard my answer kid, I'm staying. And despite what I told my idiot brother, he's going to end up staying because I'm staying." Ivan looked at North, checking to see if he was okay with his sister speaking for him.

"At least I'll know she's okay." Seeing no argument from the male twin, Ivan turned to Tex.

"And you?" His question was met with a shrug from the armored woman.

"I got nothing better to do." Ivan smiled at this.

"Perfect, this couldn't have gone any better. Now then to seal the deal." He walked over to Tex and stuck out his hand. Tex smirked as she stood up from the sofa, and shook his outstretched hand.

"Now that that's out of the way, let's start the next episode." Ivan walked back to his recliner and picked up the remote, but paused before hitting 'play' and turned to the Freelancers.

"I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but the fridge and cabinets are enchanted to have as many snacks and drinks as you want."

"But I thought we were dead?" asked Florida.

"Hmm? OH! No, what's going on is that since you all died, you no longer _need_ to eat and drink, but you can still do so if you want to." Satisfied with this explanation, a few of the Freelancers got up to make use of these enchanted cabinets and fridge. York grabbed a few beers and gave one to Maine, Connie got a large bag of chips from the cabinet and a few bowls of dip from the fridge, as well as a soda. Ivan helped Florida get some popcorn by summoning a stove and a microwave. Ivan then summoned a few coffee tables so people had places to put the snacks and drinks. Now that everyone was settled Ivan picked up the remote, got comfortable, and played the next episode.

 **Author's Notes**

 **Okay, I gotta admit, my first** _ **real**_ **story got more positive feedback than I was expecting. I guess I might as well respond to reviews that I got on the Prologue Chapter, which will also explain how this is going to work.**

 **Boggie445:**

 **Yup, Season 1. Gotta start somewhere.**

 **BrickBerserker:**

 **Thank you.**

 **Anonymous Guest:**

 **North's death is never actually shown, so I took some… creative liberties. I hope I made the death sad enough.**

 **Tristin:**

 **Thank you very much, I hope I live up to your expectations.**

 **Shiranai Atsune:**

 **As I explained, they died. They are in the Greek underworld. The events of this reaction fic will have no effect on the events of Red vs Blue.**

 **No one really knows what Florida was going to say, but considering his goal was to keep the Alpha from being discovered or damaged, most people theorize that he was going to make sure the Reds and Blues remained in a stalemate.**

 **That is exactly what I plan on doing.**

 **Season 15 is nearing it's close so I'll have some time to catch up.**

 **Unfortunately, I guess I didn't make it clear last chapter that I am not skipping straight to Season 6. I wrote this Fic because of the fact that I felt there were too many fics that did that. I hope you can still enjoy what I intend to do. If you don't like it, then I'm sorry, but keep in mind that no one is forcing you to read this. So please don't start to bash my fic, I would rather have one less person following the story than having someone posting hate on it.**

 **RWBYSTRQ**

 **I might end up doing two per chapter depending on the length of the episode. We'll have to see.**

 **All in all, I hope you enjoy my Fic. If you haven't already, I would really appreciate it if you followed and favorited this story. One last thing, is that I am open to constructive criticism, so please post a review while you're at it. Until next time!**

 **-Finch Daemon**


	3. Season 1: Episodes 2 and 3

**Key:**

Normal text is for the reactions of the Freelancers and their host

 **Bold is the footage they are watching**

 _ **Bold, Italic, and Underline together denote song lyrics**_

[Text within brackets denotes a form of speech Maine is going to use]

 **-Line Break-**

" _What in Sam Hill is a puma?"_

 _-Sarge, RvB_

 **-Line Break-**

"Let's get this episode started." said Ivan, as he pressed the play button.

 ***Begin episode 2***

 _ **Red gets a Delivery**_

 **The camera fades in to Grif and Simmons walking up to Sarge.**

" **Hurry up ladies." Sarge said in his southern accent, "This ain't no ice cream social."**

"Ice cream social?" muttered Connie.

" **Ice cream social?" echoed Simmons.**

" **Stop the pillow talk you two. Anyone… want to guess… why I gathered you here… today?"**

"Why is he talking so slow?" asked South.

"Yeah, I hope that doesn't become a thing." agreed Ivan.

" **Uh… is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?" Grif asked hopefully.**

" **That's exactly it Private." Sarge replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero; we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float. And Simmons here is IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"**

" **I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir." replied Grif.**

" **God DAMN it, Private! Shut your mouth, or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!"**

That declaration certainly threw everyone for a loop.

"He wouldn't actually do that right? Simmons, I mean." asked Connie.

" **Oh, I'd do it, too." chimed Simmons.**

" **I know you would, Simmons." Sarge praised, "Good man."**

"I guess that's your answer, Connie." replied York.

"They're just as hopeless as I remember." muttered Wyoming, surprising everyone except Tex and Florida.

"You know these guys, Reggie?" asked North, "How?"

"Well, you see-"

"What did I say about spoilers?" Ivan cut in.

"Sorry."

" **Couple of things today, ladies. Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."**

"Increase in ranks? That can only mean one thing." said York.

"They're getting a Rookie." chorused the Freelancers.

" **Crap. We're getting a rookie." grumbled Grif.**

" **That's right, dead man." replied Sarge, "Our new recruit will be here within the week. But today, we received the first part of our shipment from command."**

 **Grif and Simmons looked at each other as Sarge turned to shout something.**

" **Lopez. Bring up the vehicle."**

 **Hearing Sarge's call, Lopez drives up in a Warthog and parks next to Sarge.**

" **Shotgun!" called Simmons.**

" **Shotgun!" Grif shouted immediately after before realizing he was too slow, "Fuck."**

"Gotta be quicker, Grif." commented North.

" **May I introduce," Sarge started, "our new light reconnaissance vehicle." The camera focuses on the jeep as Sarge starts to list off its features.**

" **It has four-inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine-gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen! This is the M12-LRV! I like to call it the Warthog."**

"Everyone calls it that." South said critically.

" **Why 'Warthog' sir?" asks Simmons.**

"Why _did_ people choose 'Warthog' as a nickname for it, of all things?" Ivan asked aloud.

" **Because M12-LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son."**

" **No but… why 'Warthog'?" Grif asked, "I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig."**

" **Say that again?"**

" **I think it looks more like a puma."**

This made Florida think for a second before nodding his head.

"I can see it."

"I guess," said Tex "but I think 'Warthog' sounds cooler."

Maine simply stared at the screen, trying to figure out why this sounded familiar.

" **What in Sam Hill is a puma?" demanded Sarge after a short pause.**

This caused South to raise an eyebrow.

"Does he seriously not know what a puma is?"

" **Uh, you mean like the shoe company?" asked Simmons.**

South shook her head at this.

"Do _none_ of them but Grif know what a puma is?"

" **No, like a puma." Grif replied, "It's a big cat, like a lion."**

Maine blinked under his helmet. So _that_ was why Sarge had asked him whether or not he thought the Warthog look like a big cat on Sidewinder.

" **... You're makin' that up." said Sarge.**

" **I'm telling you, it's a real animal!" Grif insisted. Sarge turned to Simmons in response.**

" **Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal."**

" **Yes, sir!"**

"I can already tell that's going to be a recurring thing." Ivan said.

"What?" asked Connie, "The whole 'Puma vs Warthog' thing or 'Sarge threatening Grif' thing?"

"Or 'Simmons being a kiss-ass'?" South added.

"Yes."

" **Look, see these two tow hooks?" Sarge continued, gesturing towards the front of the jeep, "They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?"**

"Several, actually." said Wyoming.

" **A walrus." replied Grif.**

Now _York_ raised an eyebrow.

"That one certainly came out of left field."

" **Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?"**

Maine let out a raspy sigh. The old man was even more senile than he first thought.

 **The camera then cuts to a view of the Red soldiers through a sniper scope.**

" **What is that thing?" asked Tucker, as Church lowered the rifle.**

" **I don't know." he replied, "It looks like, uh… Looks like they got some kind of car down there. We better get back to base and report it."**

" **A car?" Tucker cried incredulously, "How come they get a car?"**

"Oh, calm down Tucker. You guys get a tank soon." Tex scolded.

"Grrrrrrrrr." growled Maine.

"What?"

"I think he was warning you about spoilers." Wyoming said, attempting to translate, "because of the kid."

"Don't worry about it too much," Ivan assured them, "We already saw in the opening that they get a tank, so it's not that big of a deal. We also saw that Tex shows up at some point, even if she hasn't been introduced yet."

"Oh yeah," North agreed, "You _do_ show up at some point, don't you. Why is that?"

"Watch the video, and you'll find out." was all the response he got.

" **What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop." Church responded.**

"Why does he care so much anyway?" asked Connie?

"Wait for it." Tex said in response.

" **You can't pick up chicks in a tank." Tucker grumbled.**

"There it is."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" groaned South.

" **Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything, couldn't you?" Church snapped, "We're gonna get a tank, and you're worried about chicks.**

"What chicks are you even gonna pick up?" asked York, "Tex hasn't shown up yet, so that entire canyon is a total sausage-fest."

" **What chicks are we gonna pick up, man?"**

"That's what I said!"

"You know they can't hear you, right?" asked Tex.

"And yet you basically scolded Tucker when he first started complaining about the car, even though they can't hear us."

"Touché."

" **And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in a car that looks like that?"**

" **What kind of car is it?" asked Tucker, prompting Church to pick the sniper rifle back up to look at it again.**

" **I don't know, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a, uh… like a big cat of some kind." Tucker took a moment to absorb this.**

" **What, like a puma?"**

" **Yeah man, there you go."**

"Well, South, at least more than one person in that canyon has heard of a puma." joked North.

"Thank god, at least they aren't all _total_ idiots." the female twin muttered.

 **The camera then cuts back to the Red soldiers.**

" **So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle," said Sarge, "we're gonna stick with the Warthog. How about it Grif?"**

" **No sir. No more suggestions." the orange soldier replied dejectedly.**

" **Are you sure?" Sarge started to taunt him, "How 'bout Bigfoot?"**

" **It's okay." Grif replied, hoping the old soldier would just drop it and move on.**

" **Unicorn?"**

" **No, really. Uh, I'm cool."**

" **Sasquatch?"**

" **Leprechaun?" suggested Simmons.**

" **Hey, he doesn't need any help, man." Grif shot.**

" **Phoenix?" Sarge continued, causing Grif to sigh.**

" **Christ."**

" **Hey, Simmons! What's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats?"**

" **Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir."**

" **Hey Grif! Chupa-thingy, how 'bout that? I like it. Got a ring to it." Sarge says as the camera fades to black.**

 ***End Episode 2***

Ivan stood up and turned towards the Freelancers.

"So," he began, "any thoughts?"

"They're idiots, not much to it." replied South, and most of the Freelancers agreed.

"At this point I just want to know how Tex and Wyoming end up fitting into this." North said, putting in his own two cents. Connie was actually pretty curious about that too.

"If that's all, let's start the next one." Ivan replied, starting the next episode.

 ***Begin Episode 3***

 _ **The Rookies**_

 _With a title like that, are we going to meet Donut and Caboose?_ Thought everyone.

 **The scene fades in with Simmons turning to Grif standing on top of Red base again.**

" **Hey, that's not exactly what happened." claimed the maroon soldier.**

" **Yes, it is!" The orange soldier insisted, "You said, 'I'm not going to the Vegas Quadrant', and then the next thing I know, you're in an escape pod headed for-" Only to be cut off as a soldier in bright red armor, who isn't Sarge, walks up to them.**

" **Excuse me, uh, sirs?" he begins nervously.**

"' **Sirs'?" echoes Grif as he and Simmons turn towards the new arrival, "Aw, crap."**

"Hey, look! There's the rookie. Kind of reminds you of when Wash was recruited into the Project, doesn't it?" North pointed out. Maine growled in response, probably agreeing with North.

"I don't remember him calling anyone 'sir' though." York said with a smirk.

" **I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge?"**

" **Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today."**

" **Actually, Private," corrected Simmons, "he left me in charge while he's gone."**

" **You are such a kiss-ass." said Grif.**

" **Also, he told that if I had any trouble from you I should:" continued Simmons before he cleared his throat and proceeded to do a poor impersonation of the Sergeant "'Git in th' Warthog n' crush yer head like a tomato can'." Grif simply stared at Simmons before responding.**

" **That's the worst impression I've ever heard."**

"Of all time." said all the Freelancers, causing Ivan to pause the video look at all of them with a slightly confused expression.

"What was-" he began before South cut him off.

"Inside joke."

"Grrrrrrr." added Maine. Ivan looked at the tall mute.

"We have got to come up with some way for you to help us understand you." This caused Maine to think for a minute before having an idea. He turned towards the teenaged prince and mimicked the motions for writing. Ivan quickly understood what Maine was trying to tell him.

"You want a notepad and pen? That's a good idea, but I _might_ have a better one." Ivan then concentrated for a moment before summoning an electronic tablet and handing it to Maine.

"Here, it's got a text-to-speech program. You can choose to type in what you want to say, or there's a stylus in case you prefer to write it out." Maine opened the program and typed out his first message.

[Thanks, kid.] Ivan smiled in response.

"You're welcome, what were you trying to say earlier?"

[I was just trying to let you know that you will get to see the whole 'Of all time thing' in the future.] Ivan nodded at this as he picked the remote back up and resumed the episode.

"Gotcha. Now, let's get back to the video."

" **Okay, Rookie. What's your story?" asked Simmons, ignoring Grif.**

" **Private Donut reporting for duty, sir." answered Donut, "I'm ready to fight some aliens."**

"You're in for a bit of a rude wake-up call, then." Ivan said, grimacing slightly.

" **Couple things here, Rookie." said Grif, "First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?" This confused Donut a little.**

" **This** _ **is**_ **the standard issue red." he replied.**

" **Yeah, I know. Listen, only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer."**

"That seems a little backwards to me." commented Ivan, "Shouldn't it be that only officers can wear colors aside from 'standard issue'?" South looked at him, rolled her eyes, and shrugged.

"They're Sims. Who cares? It doesn't matter."

"Y'know, I would ask what you mean by 'Sims' since you people keep calling them that. But I'd rather not risk spoilers."

"Whatever."

" **Well,** _ **he's**_ **wearing red armor." Donut tried to counter, gesturing towards Simmons.**

" **No, my armor is maroon." corrected Simmons, "Your armor is red."**

" **Well how do I get a different color of armor?" Simmons sighed at the antics of the new recruit and turned to Grif.**

" **I'll bet the Blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap." At this, the camera changes to Blue Base. Church and Tucker are standing beside a tank, admiring it with the Blue Rookie while he talks to them.**

"And there's Caboose, I guess." pointed out Connie, "Is that right?"

"Yup." confirmed Tex.

" **So I say to the guy, 'How are you gonna get the tank down to the planet?' And he goes… 'I'll just put it on the ship.' And I go… 'If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?'"**

" **Hey kid." Tucker cut him off.**

" **Yeah?"**

" **You're ruining the moment. Shut up."**

" **Oh. Okay. You got it, man."**

" **You know what?" Church thought aloud, "I could blow up the whole goddamn world with this thing." The camera then cuts back to Red Base.**

" **Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal." began Simmons.**

" **I just** _ **refuse**_ **to call him Private Donut" interrupted Grif.**

" **We've got a very important mission for you." Simmons continued, ignoring Grif, "You think you can handle it?"**

" **Absolutely." Dout replied confidently.**

" **We need you to go to the store and get two quarts of elbow grease."**

" **Yeah and, uh, pick up some… headlight fluid for the Puma too." added Grif, immediately catching on to what Simmons was trying to do.**

York raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly at what was happening.

"Are they doing what I think they're doing?"

" **The** _ **what**_ **?" asked Donut.**

" **He means the Warthog." clarified Simmons.**

" **You** _ **do**_ **know where the store is, right rookie?" asked Grif.**

" **What?" Donut asked before catching himself, "Uh- Yeah! Yeah, of course I do! Sure, no problem."**

" **Well, get going then." Simmons told him, causing him to turn and run off.**

" **Other way." Grif called after him, causing Donut to do a 180.**

" **I knew that." Donut claimed. "Just got turned around, that's all."**

"Are you kidding me?" asked Ivan, "I've never even been in the military, but even _I_ could recognize from a mile away that he's getting hazed."

"Don't worry too much. It's tradition to mess with the new guy a little." said Wyoming.

 **Simmons and Grif watch as Donut runs off before Simmons turned to Grif.**

" **How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?" he asked the orange soldier.**

" **I'd say… at least a week." He answered. The camera then cuts to Donut as he stops a short while away from the base and turns back to look at the two.**

" _ **Elbow grease?"**_ **he muttered incredulously, "How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid, I'm gonna talk to the sergeant." He then turns and continues on his way to the nonexistent store.**

"You had it for a second, and then lost it." Ivan sighed.

"I don't know what you expected." replied South.

"Neither do I."

 **The camera then cuts back to Blue Base.**

" **You know what?" said Tucker, "Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks apiece."**

"Y'know, I kinda like Tucker." smirked York.

"Yeah, he's a bit of a rascal." agreed Florida.

"Wait, how-?"

"Unfortunately, I can't tell you."

"Aww…"

"You'll find out soon enough, York." Tex chimed in.

" **Oh man, listen to you!" groaned Church, "What are you going to do with two chicks?"**

" **Church, women are like Voltron." Tucker explained, "The more you can hook up, the better it gets."**

At that, Connie and South decided that they definitely do _not_ like Tucker.

 **The camera then cuts back to Red Base again, as Simmons turns to Grif.**

" **You think we were too mean to the kid?" he asked.**

" **Nah," replied Grif, brushing off the maroon soldier's concerns, "he'll just wander around on the cliff for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?"**

"Aaaaaannnd you jinxed it." sighed North.

 **The camera then cuts to Donut spotting Blue Base.**

" **Finally, there it is!" he cried happily, making his way towards it as the screen fades to black, "Oh, sweet! They sell tanks!"**

 ***End Episode 3***

"Called it." said North.

[Can't wait to see that trainwreck.] commented Maine.

"Yeah," agreed Connie, before she looked at the bowl of chips and saw it was empty.

"I'm gonna get a quick refill, and then we can start the next episode.

 **Author's Notes**

 **And Chapter 2 is up! Not a whole lot to go over, that I can think of. Just replying to reviews. As per usual, if you enjoyed the fic and want to see more, make sure to follow it. And as always, I am open to constructive criticism.**

 **Replies:**

 **djmegamouth**

 **I'm not sire what you mean, I'm starting from season 1. However, I will try to shorten them in the future.**

 **The Richmaster**

 **Indeed, I wouldn't really know where to start otherwise.**

 **D3F4LT**

 **I'll try, but school starts in September, plus I'm lazy. Either or both of those things will probably end up delaying chapters.**

 **RWBYSTRQ**

 **Thank you.**

 **IronMan1337**

 **I will skip a good portion of Season 14, plus I intend to skip the parts of episodes in Seasons 9 and 10 that are just flashbacks to Project Freelancer. I'm willing to bet that the Freelancers aren't gonna want to watch that.**

 **MKDemigodZ-Warrior**

 **I will show _some_ of Season 14.**

 **As for Greek Underworld, it's mostly just a creative choice I made. I do plan on explaining why they didn't end up in some other afterlife, Christianity or otherwise, in a later chapter.**

 **Shiranai Atsune**

 **I just meant that I didn't see any the way I wanted it done. I will make use of the wikia scripts, don't worry about that.**

 **Something321**

 **Thank you very much for the support!**

 **djmegamouth**

 **I'm happy to hear that.**

 **Shiranai Atsune**

 **Maine kept his helmet on because… I don't know. I'll probably have him take it off at some point. Maybe.**

 **Lizard**

 **I'm happy to hear that!**

 **The Richmaster**

 **Well, the Freelancers already saw in the opening that Tex shows up at some point, so they would end up bugging her regardless. Flowers shows up in a later season before we find out why he was there, and the Freelancers would recognize him immediately. So again, they'd still end up bugging him about it. I am excited to see their reactions too. Or I guess, I'm excited to see what I come up with.**

 **Xenvic**

 **That is exactly what I plan on doing.**

 **Anonymous Guest**

 **Thank you, I'm happy to hear that. I will try to do that, but school starts in September, so that's going to cause some issues. Also I'm lazy.**

 **AChunkyM0nkey**

 **That is what I plan on doing, but keep in mind that future episodes get longer, so I'm going to have to do one episode per chapter if I want to upload more often.**


	4. Season 1: Episodes 4 and 5

**Key:**

Normal text is for the reactions of the Freelancers and their host

 **Bold is the footage they are watching**

 _ **Bold, Italic, and Underline together denote song lyrics**_

[Text in Brackets denotes Maine using the tablet Ivan gave him]

 **-Line Break-**

" _Hey, rookie... did you just call my girlfriend a cow?"_

 _-Leonard Church, RvB_

 **-Line Break-**

"Alright, I'm back." Connie said as she sat down with a newly refilled bowl of chips.

"Let the shitstorm commence." South said to Ivan, who smirked and hit the play button in response.

 ***Begin Episode 4***

 _ **Head Noob in Charge**_

 **The scene fades in with Church, Tucker, and Caboose standing next to the tank outside Blue Base.**

" **Yeah I'll let you in on a little secret," Church began, "I've uh... I've actually got a girl back home."**

" **Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife?" asked Tucker.**

" **No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out... ah, you know how it works."**

" **Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back?"**

" **I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'" Caboose interected.**

" **Hey, rookie…" Church asked with an irritated voice as he walked up to Caboose, "did you just call my girlfriend a cow?"**

Tex frowned slightly at that, she knew Caboose was not the brightest guy. This was pretty much just a little kid repeating something he had heard without understanding what it meant, but she still didn't like being called a cow!

" **No, I think he called her a slut!" said Tucker.**

Tex's frown deepened; that was even worse!

" **I'll tell you what, noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do."**

" **Great." said Caboose, clearly dreading what was probably in store for him.**

" **See, we've got this General." began Church.**

" **Right, the General guy." Tucker echoed.**

" **...who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases." Church continued, "So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by."**

" **When is he coming by?" asked Caboose.**

" **We never know. Could be today, could be a week from now." Tucker explained.**

" **You want me to stand at attention for a week?"**

"Aaaaannnd now Caboose is getting hazed." Ivan said rolling his eyes.

"He kinda deserves it you know," said York, "He _did_ talk bad about Church's girlfriend."

"I kind of agree with you there." said Tex, surprising… pretty much everyone, "And before you ask, you're not allowed to ask why."

"Because spoilers?" asked York.

"Yep."

" **You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag." said Church.**

" **What's so important about the flag?" Caboose asked, confused.**

" **Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys anything in training?" Church said in an exasperated voice.**

" **They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?" This question actually caught Church more off-guard than he would like to admit.**

" **Because it's the flag, man, you know, it's the f... it's the flag, it's... Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important." He said, turning to the aqua soldier.**

" **Well... it's... it's complicated. Uh... It's blue, we're blue." was all Tucker could come up with.**

Ivan blinked a few times.

"The most important thing in their base is a flag, but they don't even know why it's so important?" The teenage prince turned to the Freelancers, "Is there going to be some government conspiracy type stuff going on?" When his question was met with silence, he was about to ask again, or ask why no one answered him. At least, until he realized why nobody answered.

"Hopefully I won't have to wait to long to find out…" he muttered.

" **It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag." Church said.**

" **Right." Tucker agreed.**

" **So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him." Hearing this, Caboose turns and heads for the base, but stops half way and turns around.**

" **Uh, how will I know when I see him?" he asked.**

" **There's only three of us out here, rookie." responded Tucker, "He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us."**

" **Now get in there, and don't come out!" said Church before turning to Tucker "Man, that guy is dumber than you are."**

" **You mean he's dumber than you are." Tucker shot back.**

"Well, you're _all_ idiots. So none of you can really talk." muttered South.

" **Wow, Tucker, that was a great come-back."**

 **Caboose then emerges from the base.**

" **Uh, Mr. Church? Sir?" he asked.**

" **Oh my god, WHAT!?" Church snapped before turning to Tucker, "Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!"**

" **Sorry about calling your girl a slut…"**

" **ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!"**

Florida sighed.

"Church, come on. At least he had the decency to apologize for insulting your girlfriend."

" **Uh-huh huh huh huh!" Tucker laughed, turning around.**

" **Tucker, are you laughing at me?" Church growled, turning around and, as a result, not seeing Donut walk up behind him.**

[This ought to be good.] said Maine, or typed, said Maine's tablet… you know what I mean.

" **Excuse me, sir, can I ask you a question?" asked the bright red rookie.**

" **Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around, and you are not inside, I.. I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you!"**

" **What did I do?" Donut asked, confused.**

" **One…**

" **Aw, gimme a break."**

" **TWO!"**

" **Fine!" Donut said. He then turns ,runs in the base, and walks up to Caboose.**

" **Wow, you got here fast!" commented Caboose.**

South facepalmed.

"I know this Caboose guy isn't that smart, but does he really think that a guy in _bright red armor_ is the _Blue_ Army general?"

"Well, Donut is the one that walked up to Blue Base thinking it's a store." pointed out Connie.

"To be fair," said Ivan, "When he first showed up, Donut said he was 'Ready to fight some aliens'. No one told him 'Oh, yeah, we're not actually going to be fighting aliens. Instead we're going to be fighting a bunch of blue guys'."

"Still doesn't excuse Caboose's dumb ass." grumbled South.

" **Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon?" asked Donut in an irritated voice.**

" **I'm not, sir. What can I do for you?"**

" **Finally, someone with a little respect around here."**

" **Yes, sir! I assume you're here because of this…" said Caboose, turning to the blue flag.**

" **Wait, is this all you have?" asked Donut.**

" **Uh, yes, sir." Caboose replied, "That's it!"**

" **Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about elbow grease?"**

"What was that about not falling for the elbow grease trick?" York said to Ivan with a smirk. Ivan simply held his face in his hands.

"Donut, why?"

" **Uhmm…"**

" **Headlight fluid?" pressed Donut.**

" **No. All we have is this flag."**

" **Well, I can't go back empty handed." said the red soldier, "I guess I'll take that."**

" **Sure, that makes sense. I guess." Caboose replied.**

" **Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag." muttered Donut as he left. The camera then cuts back to Church and Tucker.**

" **Well, enough gabbing out of us, let's take this bad boy out for a spin." said Church, "Go ahead and hop in, Tucker."**

" **Me? I can't drive that thing." said the aqua trooper.**

" **You're telling me you're not Armor Certified?" asked Church.**

" **I ca- I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle." countered Tucker, "Don't you know how to drive that?"**

" **No! ..Holy Crap! Who is running this army!?"**

" **Hey!" called Caboose, emerging from the base, "Just wanted to let you know the General stopped by and picked up the flag!"**

" **Yeah! Okay! Whatever, moron!" Church called back before turning to Tucker, "Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing? ...Wait a second... What did he just say?"**

 ***End Episode 4***

"Okay," said Ivan as he lifted the remote, "Let's hurry up and get this next episode started."

"What's the rush?" asked Florida. Causing the prince to turn to the Freelancer.

"Because I have questions that probably won't even be answered this season. We're only four episodes in and I can already tell there is some shifty ass shit going on. Why is there a war between red and blue guys over flags? Most of these guys clearly aren't fit for the military: Caboose and Donut are complete dumbasses, Tucker and Sarge aren't much better, not to mention that the blue guys just recieved a tank that _none of them know how to drive._ Given the collective intelligence of these guys, that's like giving a monkey a flamethrower. The flamethrower is cool and all, but you wouldn't trust a monkey with it. _I need to know what the hell is going on._ " Ivan finished his rant to see the entire room staring at him.

"You done?" asked Tex.

"Yes."

"Then start the next episode so you can get closer to getting answers."

 ***Begin Episode 5***

 _ **The Package is in the Open**_

 **The camera fades in to Church, Tucker, and Caboose standing on top of Blue Base.**

" **Let me get this straight.." started Church, "You gave this guy our flag?"**

" **Is that bad?" asked the blue rookie.**

" **Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole goddamn base?" Church answered sarcastically.**

" **There, there he is." said Tucker.**

" **Where?" asked Church, looking through a sniper rifle, "Oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs."**

" **He must be one smart son of a bitch." Tucker commented. The camera then cut to Donut looking around the canyon.**

" **Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?" the red soldier asked aloud. The camera then cut back to Blue Base.**

" **Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's red." said Church.**

" **Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant." said Tucker.**

" **Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defenses."**

"What defenses?" asked Wyoming.

[Yeah, you guys were just standing there and talking.] agreed Maine.

"They can't hear you." said Tex and York.

" **Uh, you know.. he came in the back door where you guys were standing." Caboose chimed in.**

" **Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then." said Tucker, ignoring the blue recruit.**

" **Roger that. Okay, say goodnight, Sarge." Church replied.**

"Hey, Church is finally going to use the sniper rifle instead of using it as a glorified telescope." North said with a smile.

"Wait for it." replied Tex and Wyoming.

 **The camera cuts to Donut as four shots whiz by him.**

" **Son of a bitch!" he cried, crouching.**

 **The camera cuts back to Church as he lowers the rifle.**

" **Aw crap." muttered Church, before feeling Tucker's gaze and turning to the aqua soldier, "...What?"**

" **You're REALLY not very good with that thing, are you?" asked Tucker**

Now North, Wyoming, and Ivan were all frowning.

"Are you serious?" asked North.

"Yeah, really." agreed Ivan.

"Why do you care?" Wyoming asked the prince.

"I've had experience with many different kinds of firearms, a personal favorite of mine happen to be the snipers."

 **The camera then cuts back to Donut.**

" **Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!?" he shouted while waving the flag.**

 **The camera then cuts back to Tucker.**

" **Oh great, now he's taunting us." Tucker groaned, "That's just embarrassing."**

"Well, it's not hard." South smirked, "YOu guys already do a fine job of embarrassing yourselves."

" **Alright, that's it, I've had it. Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass." declared Church.**

" **Right!" replied Caboose.**

" **Tucker, you ready? Let's go."**

" **There is no way I'm going through that thing." Tucker stated bluntly.**

" **Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?"**

"Well, 'they' seemed perfectly fine with giving you a tank that none of you know how to drive." said Ivan.

" **I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?"**

" **We already tested the teleporter, remember?" said Church.**

" **We threw rocks through it!" countered Tucker.**

" **Yeah, and, so what?" Church asked, "The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?"**

" **Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff." Tucker replied.**

"You mean soot?" asked Connie with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe the do, maybe they don't." said Ivan.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked York.

"You ever watch X-Men?"

"Yeah."

"When Nightcrawler teleports, he actually enters a different dimension for a split second. Admittedly, I doubt that's what's happening here. So it probably is just soot."

" **Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff."**

" **Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff."**

" **Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you." Church said, as he pointed an assault rifle at Tucker.**

" **You wouldn't…" said Tucker.**

" **You know, I look at it this way: Either A, we go through there and get the flag back, or B, we stay here and I get to kill you. Either way, I win." replied Church.**

[Church just pulled a Sarge.] said Maine

"You ain't seen nothing, yet." said Tex.

[Why do you say cryptic stuff like that? You know we're going to ask what you mean by it, only for you to not tell us because of spoilers.]

"That's the point, I'm just trying to mess with you guys."

" **For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people." said Tucker.**

" **Duly noted." Church said back, "Now get in there."**

" **Crap... Alright. One, two…" Tucker then runs through the teleporter. Church turns to look at the other end, only for Tucker to not come out.**

" **...Huh, he didn't come out the other side…" observed Caboose.**

" **Yeeaahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter." Church said nervously before running off to chase Donut on foot.**

" **Okay, rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag!" The camera then cuts to Simmons and Grif standing on top of Red Base. Grif is looking through a sniper rifle.**

"And we're back to using the sniper rifle as a telescope." said North.

" **I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots." said Simmons.**

" **I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam." replied Grif.**

"That's only three bams." said York.

" **Wait a second, that's only three bams." Simmons pointed out.**

" **Bam." said Grif, before seeing Church through the sniper, "Wait a second, we've got a Blue guy on the move out there."**

" **Where's he headed?" asked the maroon soldier as Grif looks to the left.**

" **Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something…" he zooms in to get a better look.**

" **It looks like…" Grif lowers the rifle as he realizes what the red rookie has in his hands, "...Simmons, get the Warthog."**

"You mean the Puma?" asked Florida.

" **Heh, you mean the Puma?" asked Simmons.**

" **Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war." replied the orange soldier as the screen faded to black.**

 ***End Episode 5***

"Can't wait to see how that plays out." said York.

"Just let me get a snack of my own, then we'll start the next episode." said Ivan

 **Author's Note: OKAY, sorry for taking so long with this chapter. As I've said before, I can get pretty lazy. Plus there was some family stuff that was keeping me from getting a good opportunity to do some writing. I would like to point out that school starts tomorrow, so chapters are going to take even longer to get out, and again, I'm really sorry. Another thing that may interrupt is that I have ideas for other stories that I'm going to want to write. So keep an eye out for those. With that out of the way, replies!**

 **The Richmaster**

 **I'm really glad to hear it! I don't really talk about it, but one of the things that makes these chapters take so long is me trying to come up with in-character reactions. I really hope you continue to enjoy my work!**

 **djmegamouth**

 **Gotcha, for future reference, I don't mind constructive criticism. So if you've got a way that might improve my writing, let me know!**

 **RWBYSTRQ**

 **As far as I know, even before Maine got his throat shot to shit he wasn't much of a talker. If it helps, York's left eye is still fucked up from the grenade. It just made sense to me that those kinds of injuries remained.**

 **DisneyFreak-Lover**

 **Glad to hear it. It's pretty much going to be an inside joke for them until we reach Season 6 (god that seems so far away) and until then, Ivan's just going to not be part of it. Poor guy!**

 **Mandalore the Freedom**

 **I am happy to hear someone with a thought process similar to my own! I hope you continue to enjoy my work. Anyways, yeah, the changes Wash goes through will probably shock them. As for 'leaving North for dead', keep in mind that I had North tell her to leave him behind. Wash shooting South… yeah, North's gonna be** _ **pissed**_ **. York is probably going to be upset about the changes in Carolina, but I can't wait to see how he reacts to the 'take off your armor' scene of Season 15 (I'm not being coy here or anything, I legit don't know because I haven't thought that far ahead). Anyway, like I said, I hope you continue to enjoy my work, I have no idea what that last part means.**

 **Shiranai Atsune**

 **Maine remembers his death pretty clearly. I would like to point out that Griff does say the Warthog 'looks like a big cat' before even mentioning the word 'Puma'. Also, I am going to be skipping the parts of Seasons 9 and 10 that are just flashbacks to Project Freelancer, that was a pretty shitty time in the lives of the Freelancers and I'm sure they wouldn't want to relive that. Ivan doesn't know any of the running gags of RvB or about 'Sims', he's said before that he's never watched the series. Anyway, in terms of episodes, I'm really sorry that these are going to take longer, but school starts soon.**

 **ultima-owner**

 **But just how well** _ **can**_ **you pick up chicks in a tank?**

 **zowiaki**

 **Yeah, poor ol' Flowers is probably going to have a heart attack or something.**

 **ZED147**

 **I'm happy you enjoy my work, but school is going to interfere with my writing. I'm really sorry.**

 **Nemon0416**

 **I'm inconsistent and school starts soon, so it varies.**

 **pensuka**

 **They might catch on pretty quick, who knows. I know that a certain Freelancer is going to be salty about the surprise stab though.**

 **death7559**

 **Thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy my writing!**

 **yorkalina trash**

 **I'm really glad you think so. You have no idea how happy I am that that scene had the intended effect.**

 **Beta117**

 **And I hope you continue to enjoy it!**

 **That's all for now folks! As always, be sure to follow my story if you want more, and be sure to follow me to keep an eye out for other stories. I am always open to constructive criticism, so leave a review and let me know what you think! I hope you all have enjoyed, and will continue to enjoy this Fanfic. See you all next time!**


	5. Season 1: Episode 6 and 7

**Key:**

Normal text is for the reactions of the Freelancers and their host

 **Bold is the footage they are watching**

 _ **Bold, Italic, and Underline together denote song lyrics**_

[Text in Brackets denotes Maine using the tablet Ivan gave him]

 **-Line Break-**

" _I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane."_

 _-Franklin Delano Donut, RvB_

 **-Line Break-**

Ivan comes back with some candy in his arms and holding a bottle of soda in his mouth. After setting them down he picks up the remote and starts the episode.

"Alright, commencing Shitstorm Number 2."

 ***Begin Episode 6***

 _ **1.21 Giga-Whats?**_

 **(Recap)**

 **Grif is shown looking through a sniper rifle.**

" **Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something…" Grif zooms in to get a better look, "It looks like…" Upon realizing what Donut was holding, Grif lowers the rifle, "...Simmons, get the Warthog."**

" **Heh, you mean the Puma?" jokes the maroon soldier.**

 **(End Recap)**

 **The camera fades in to Church running up to Donut.**

" **Freeze!" shouts Church.**

" **Hey, why the hell are you shooting at me?!" Donuts asks indignantly, "You coulda hit me, dick!"**

"Pretty sure that was the point, dumbass." South says as she rolls her eyes.

" **Can it." said Church as he aims an assault rifle at the Red recruit, "Don't try to play stupid with me, Sarge. I know who ya are. We've been spying on you for three weeks now."**

" **I just got here two hours ago. And I'm not a Sergeant, I'm a Private." Donut responds angrily.**

" **Wait a minute," Church said in realization, "you're not the Sergeant!"**

"That's what he just said." pointed out Connie.

"They can't hear you." chorused York, Tex, and Wyoming.

[They can't hear you.] came Maine's tablet a few seconds later, causing the other four Freelancers to look at him.

[What? I couldn't type fast enough.]

" **Yeah, that's what I just said."**

" **Well then how the hell did you manage to steal our flag?"**

" **Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!" Donut said, as Tucker burst from the teleporter. With his armor completely covered in the 'black stuff'.**

" **Three!" Shouts Tucker, scaring the crap out of both Church and Donut.**

" **JESUS!" cried Church.**

" **HOLY SHIT! Who is this guy?" asks Donut.**

" **What in the hell!?" Church says, ignoring Donut, "Tucker? Is that you?"**

" **How did you get up here ahead of me?" Tucker asks, confused.**

"Because apparently, that teleporter of yours is in _desperate_ need of a tune-up." said Ivan.

" **And what's with that black shit on your armor?" Donut tries to ask, but is ignored again.**

" **Hey! Freeze, Sarge!" cried Tucker as he raises his magnum.**

" **Would you stop calling me a Sergeant, I'm still just a Private."**

" **The Sarge is still a Private?" repeated Tucker, "Oh. My. God. The teleporter sent me back in time."**

"If that really was the case," commented Ivan, "Then that teleporter needs _way_ more than just a tune-up."

"Would that really be possible though?" asked York.

"What?"

"Going back in time." Ivan scrunched his face a little in response.

"That's a complicated question, short answer is: not exactly."

 **The camera then cuts to Red Base as Grif climbs into the Warthog, which is playing Tejano music, with Lopez standing nearby.**

" **Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep." Grif explained.**

" **I'll take gunner." said Simmons as he climbed on the back, "Let's roll."**

" **How do you turn off the fucking radio in this car?" Grif asked aloud as he started driving.**

" **Don't worry Lopez," Simmons called back to the brown soldier as they drove off, "I'll bring her back in one piece." Lopez responded by wordlessly staring at them.**

 **The camera then cuts back to Church, Tucker, and Donut.**

" **Look," started Tucker, "I know you don't know me, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Some time in your future I get stationed here in Blood Gulch, and we meet. And this guy here, he gets promoted to Sergeant of the Red Army, and we spy on them. And they get this new jeep, and I'm all like, 'There is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!'"**

"That has to be the worst way to try and explain to someone that you're from the future." said Texas.

"Of all time." agreed North.

"And we're back to the whole 'trying to pick up chicks' thing." muttered Connie.

" **Tucker? What the fuck are you babbling about?" Church asks bluntly.**

" **I know all this sounds crazy, but he eventually becomes a Sergeant, and then one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals our flag while we're distracted."**

" **Is this guy a retard?" asks Donut as he turns towards Church.**

"Yes." snarked South.

" **Red? Shut up. Tucker? Listen to me. Ya haven't gone back in time, okay?" Church says, not noticing the sound of Tejano music getting closer, "This IS the guy who stole the flag, he's just not the Sergeant. Turns out he's just some dumb rookie who happens to have the same color armor as him. He got in somehow, just... for God's sake! WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!?" Church's question was then answered by the sight of the Warthog jumping off a hill.**

" **Woohoo!" hoots Grif**

" **Holy shit!" shouts Tucker.**

" **Son of a bitch!" Church cries, "Run! Jesus! Run!"**

" **The jeep followed me back in time!"**

"Oh, Tucker," Flowers says in a disappointed voice, "We just established you haven't gone back in time."

 **Grif gets out of the Warthog and goes up to Donut as Church and Tucker run away. Meanwhile, Simmons fires a stream of bullets from the Warthog's turret as the two Blue Soldiers flee.**

" **Ow! Git! Ow! Git! Ow, ow!" says Church as bullets just barely miss him.**

" **That's right! That's right, I got your ass!" Simmons shouts, "Get off your ass and run, you cock bites!" the maroon soldier continues shouting as Grif talks to Donut.**

" **What the hell is going on here?" asked the orange soldier.**

" **You know what? I honestly have no idea what's going on." Donut admitted, "I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane."**

"Actually, most of you are just really dumb." Wyoming pointed out.

"Except for Sarge." said Tex, "I'm pretty sure he is insane."

" **How did you get the flag?"**

" **I don't know, I just asked for it."**

" **Wait, that worked?" Grif said, surprised.**

" **I guess. Is it not supposed to?" asked Donut.**

" **I don't know," admitted Grif, "we.. never even thought to try that. Just take the flag to the base, I'll explain there."**

" **Not until someone tells me what the fuck is go-" Donut tried to demand, only to be cut off by Grif.**

" **There's no time to explain, rookie! Just take the flag, and go to base! I'll explain everything there."**

" **Fine!" growls the Red Recruit as he picks up the flag and starts to run off.**

" **Back to our base, dumbass!" huffs Grif.**

" **Uh, I know. I just got turned around, that's all."**

"Oh, come on." South gripes, "You can't pull that shit _twice_. Just admit you're lost."

 **The camera cuts to Caboose observing Church and Tucker through a sniper rifle as they duck behind some rocks.**

" **Oh man, that's not good." Caboose says in a worried voice, "Oh my god, that jeep has a really big gun." Caboose lowers the rifle as he contemplates his options.**

" **Stay here... Tank… Stay here... Tank... ..Ah, screw it." he says as he runs towards the tank.**

Ivan groans.

"That is _not_ going to end well."

 **The camera cuts back to Church and Tucker crouching behind a rock. Simmons can still be heard shouting in the background.**

" **Well," Church turns to Tucker, "we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run outta bullets some time." he says as the screen fades to black.**

 ***End Episode 6***

[Toss me another beer real quick.] Maine asked York. York responded by tossing the large man another beer.

"Commence Shitstorm Number 3." South said as she rolled her eyes.

"On it." said Ivan as he starts the next episode.

 ***Begin Episode 7***

 _ **Check out the Treads on That Tank**_

 **The camera fades in as Church and Tucker are still hiding behind the rock.**

" **My god, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?" asked Church.**

" **You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank." pointed out Tucker.**

"You mean the tank none of you know how to drive?" asks South.

"Actually," said Tex, "That's not as big an issue as you think."

"Indeed." agreed Wyoming, immediately catching on to what Texas was implying.

" **Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it?"**

" **Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy." Tucker responded sarcastically.**

" **Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to ya." Church admits as he fail to come up with a comeback.**

"Hey!" pointed out York, "Tucker actually came up with a decent comeback."

 **The camera cuts to Caboose hopping in the tank. The canopy closes and the tank turns on.**

" **Hello," says the digitized voice of a woman, "and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila."**

All the Freelancers, except for Tex, have a shocked look on their face.

"F- F.I.L.L.S.?" Connie says dumbly.

"Someone you people know?" ask Ivan.

"Kind of." says North as he scratches his head.

"No clue why she's calling herself 'Sheila' though…" muttered South.

" **Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady." Caboose answers.**

" **Would you like me to run the tutorial program?" asks 'Sheila'.**

" **Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you."**

" **Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving."**

"A logical place to start." says Flowers.

" **Okay."**

 **The camera cuts to Simmons, who is still firing the Warthog's turret, with Grif standing behind him.**

" **Simmons. SIMMONS!" shouts the orange soldier, causing Simmons to stop firing and step down,** " **Grif: Man, that thing is loud." Unnoticed by either soldier, Sheila drives by in the background.**

" **...WHAT?" shouts Simmons.**

" **Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out."**

" **OKAY." Simmons shouts again, making it abundantly clear what kind of toll firing the turret for so long took.**

" **Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on."**

[Like they aren't going to immediately notice the fact that you stopped firing?] commented Maine.

 **The camera cuts to Caboose, who has managed to get Sheila stranded on a tall rock.**

" **Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, let's move on to some of the safety features." Sheila says cheerfully.**

" **No, no, wait, go back!" Caboose replies in a panicky voice, "Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?"**

"What the fuck?" mutters Ivan.

 **The camera cuts back to Church and Tucker. Tucker is still crouching behind the rock, but Church is peeking over.**

" **Psst," whispered Church, "hey, they stopped firing."**

[Called it.]

" **Why are you whispering?" asks Tucker in a normal voice.**

"That's a good point, actually." said Flowers.

" **Uhm... I don't know." admitted Church, who was still whispering for some reason.**

 **The camera then cuts to Grif and Simmons at the foot of the cliff.**

" **Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way." said Grif.**

" **Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep?" asked the maroon soldier, neither of them noticing Sheila roll up behind them**

" **Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long." Grif says as Sheila's turret looks between the two.**

" **Well, at least that was fun." complains Simmons. The two then turn simultaneously and come face to face, er… turret, with Sheila.**

" **Holy CRAP. What in God's name is that thing?" asks Grif.**

Connie quirks an eyebrow.

"That's a pretty underwhelmed response considering you just turned and found yourself staring down the turret of a fucking _tank_."

"It's not that big a deal." Ivan says simply, not noticing the looks he earned from the Freelancers.

 **The camera cuts to Church and Tucker as they look at the abandoned Warthog.**

" **Tucker, don't be stupid. They're just trying to draw us out." said Church.**

" **No they're not, look - they left the jeep. They're gone." argued Tucker.**

" **Well, I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... alright screw it, let's go get it." Church said, finally caving.**

 **The camera then cuts to Sheila's HUD, which shows its crosshairs slowly aligning with Grif's head.**

" **Dude, hold still. I don't think it sees us."**

"This isn't Jurassic Park, dude." said York. "And that's not a T. Rex."

 **The only thing that can be heard is a tone that indicates Sheila's targeting systems have locked on.**

 ***End Episode 7***

"Shitstorm Number 4 incoming." South said as she stood up to stretch.

"Hey guys," began Tex, "Want to know a secret?"

"[Sure.]" came an interested response from, well, everyone.

"In the next couple episodes…" She said slowly, causing everyone to lean in, "You're going to find out why I ended up in Blood Gulch." Everyone stared at her in silence, before slowly turning towards Ivan.

"Guys-" Ivan tried to start, only to be cut off by an onslaught of Freelancers telling him to hurry up and _start the next fucking episode already!_

 **Author's Note: *crying* I'M SO SORRY! I've kept you all waiting almost two months for a new chapter and I'm sorry! I've just been busy with school and my family's internet was down all of last week! I can't really think of anything else to say, so on to replies!**

 **TheFishKing**

 **Yup, that's going to be fun. I hope you continue to enjoy my work!**

 **colesate**

 **I'm glad you like it. In terms of Ivan, he won't know. Yet. He'll receive a tip from the person who recommended the series for him.**

 **The Richmaster**

 **I hope you enjoy what I come up with. Also, I'm pretty sure Tex already kind of knows that Tucker looks like her when that black shit is on his armor.**

 **DisneyFreak-Lover**

 **Ohhohohohohoho my dear, the fun is only just beginning!**

 **BraveSeeker3**

 **Yeah, but just wait until they find out why she's calling herself 'Sheila'.**

 **ultima-owner**

 **Indeed.**

 **djmegamouth**

 **For… what? If you don't mind me asking.**

 **Washingtub**

 **I'm trying to upload when I can, but I have school to worry about. Plus I'm lazy. I'm starting with Season 1 because that's what makes the most sense to me. Also, I don't really plan on having the Freelancer react to the flashback bits of Seasons 9 and 10. I figure that that was a moment in their lives where everything really just went to shit, and that they wouldn't want to relive that. I do plan to give them a quick rundown of what happened in those flashback bits, just for the sake of exposition for those who may not have been present in certain scenes. Overall, I'm really glad you enjoy my writing do much.**

 **Shiranai Atsune**

 **Thank you for your understanding, and yes, that is exactly what I plan on doing. Shit's gonna get pretty personal for Tex though…**

 **Guest**

 **Yeah, North is gonna be seeing red. South will probably be pretty miffed about what Wash does to her body, but she'll be aware that he's just following protocol.**

 **rocketmce**

 **Thank you for the support. Although, I haven't really thought that far ahead. Red vs Blue has not yet had a series finale, so they might just watch something else between seasons. Or if/when RvB does end, they'll probably just switch to another show. Perhaps RWBY? Maybe. Possible foreshadowing? Maybe. Hotel? Trivago.**

 **Guest**

 **Probably, I don't know. We're still only in Season 1.**

 **RWBYSTRQ**

 **I hadn't thought of that… But! Fear not, for I shall rectify this!**

 **Guest**

 **I have school, but I'm trying to when I get the chance.**

 **Tristin**

 **I'm glad you feel that way!**

 **key**

 ***crying again* I'm trying!**

 **UknownHero**

 **Thank you, I'll try to live up to your expectations.**

 **Guest**

 **I can't wait to see how they're feelings for the guys change over time too!**

 **igkhdi**

 **I'M TRYING!**

 **Mike0the0mic**

 **Thank you, I hope to do the series justice.**

 **Ender the multiverse Detective**

 **I!**

 **Tristin**

 **AM!**

 **TheCrystalWolf**

 **FUCKING!**

 **TheCrystalWolf (again)**

 **TRYING GODDAMMIT! FUCKING BLAME SCHOOL! I'M A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!**

 **With that out of the way. I hope you all of enjoyed this chapter of Freelancers React to Red vs Blue! If you like my content, be sure to follow the story if you haven't already. Also, be sure to follow me and be on the lookout for future stories! If you have any constructive criticism, be sure to leave a review. Until next time!**

 **-Finch Daemon**


	6. Season 1: Episode 8 and 9

**Key:**

Normal text is for the reactions of the Freelancers and their host

 **Bold is the footage they are watching**

[Text in Brackets denotes Maine using the tablet Ivan gave him]

 **-Line Break-**

" _Firing main cannon."_

 _-Sheila, RvB_

 **-Line Break-**

"It'll certainly be interesting to see you dealing with these guys, Tex." remarked York as Ivan started the episode.

"Technically," replied Tex, "I only said you'd see the _reason_ I show up at Blood Gulch in these next few episodes, but whatever."

 ***Begin episode 8***

 _ **Don't Ph34r the Reaper**_

Flowers couldn't help but frown, why did that title fill him with such dread?

 **The camera fades to Sheila's turret pointing at Grif, and then turning to Simmons.**

" **Why is it just sitting there?" Grif asked aloud.**

" **Just trying to mess with our heads." Simmons said slowly, "Let's get back to the Warthog."**

 **The camera then cut to a view of Sheila's HUD.**

" **This tank is equipped with an auto-fire sequence that can be activated by pressing the auto-fire button." explained Sheila.**

" **Auto-fire, auto-fire, here, here!" said Caboose, "No, wait... okay, that's more a switch than a button…" In his search, Caboose proceeded to ignore Sheila's warning.**

" **This will end the tutorial, and should only be activated if proper safety procedures-"**

"There is no way that ends well" commented York.

 **The camera cuts back to Simmons and Grif.**

" **Okay, you ready?" asked Simmons, "Let's do this on three. One…"**

" **Wait. On three? Or three and then go?" interrupted Grif.**

" **On three. It's always faster to go on three." explained the maroon soldier.**

" **Okay, okay. On three."**

 **The camera cuts back to Sheila's HUD.**

" **Here!" Caboose says triumphantly as a 'click' is heard.**

" **Tutorial deactivated. Auto-fire sequence activated." said Sheila.**

"Definitely not gonna end well."

"What tipped you off?" Wyoming asked sarcastically.

 **The camera cuts back to Simmons.**

" **Ready?" he asked.**

 **Back to Sheila's HUD.**

" **Acquiring target."**

 **The camera then cuts to Church and Tucker.**

" **I'm going for the jeep. Cover me." Church said to the technically-aqua-but-currently-covered-in-black-shit-soldier.**

 **The camera cuts to Simmons and Grif.**

" **One…" Simmons began his countdown, but failed to notice Grif slowly backing away. Grif then turns around and starts running away. The camera cuts to Sheila's HUD, her crosshair following Grif.**

"That backstabbing-!" Connie started to shout.

"I'm not sure you should talk, Connie." South interrupted, causing Connie to whirl on her.

"What's that supposed to-"

"Both of you stop." Tex cut in, the authority in her voice causing both Freelancers to back down. "South, all I'm going to say is that Connie had a good reason for what she did."

"But-"

"Now _drop it._ It's in the past. That, and we're all dead regardless, so there's no point in holding grudges about that stuff." South wanted to argue, but had to admit Texas raised a good point.

" **Target acquired." said Sheila.**

 **The camera cuts to Grif running towards the Warthog.**

" **Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit…" said Grif, panting heavily as he ran. The camera cuts back to Simmons, who is still unaware of Grif leaving him behind.**

" **Two…"**

 **The camera cuts back to Sheila's HUD just as her targeting system locks onto Grif.**

" **Target locked."**

"Incoming karma." said Connie, eyeing the screen with slight anger. Despite the argument that almost broke out between the two, South agreed with her.

 **The camera cuts to Church running towards the Warthog, panting loudly.**

[I know these guys aren't real soldiers but come on.] said Maine, [How out of shape are these people? They're barely even running that far and yet they're already so out of breath.]

 **The camera cuts to Simmons just as he finishes his countdown.**

" **Three!" He says as he turns around, only to see the already fleeing form of the orange soldier. "Oh, you backstabbing cock bite!"**

" **Firing main cannon." was all Sheila had to say. Sheila then fired causing the Warthog to explode right in front of Grif.**

 **The camera cuts back to Simmons.**

" **Son of a bitch!" cried the maroon soldier, crouching at the sound of the tank firing.**

 **The camera cuts to Grif.**

" **SON OF A BITCH!" He cried in shock.**

 **The camera cuts to Church, who is near the explosion when it occurs.**

" **Son of a bitch!" shouted Church.**

Flowers sucks in a small breath as he sees how close Church was to the explosion. He could only pray that the Alpha didn't get damaged.

" **Firing main cannon." Sheila repeated**

" **Shit!" cried Simmons, he and Grif tried to run for cover as Sheila fired again.**

" **Shit, god dammit!" Simmons and Grif were still scrambling all over the place.**

" **Firing main cannon." Sheila repeated again.**

" **Dammit!" Simmons and Grif run somewhere off-camera as Sheila fired yet again.**

" **Firing main cannon." Sheila repeated for a fourth time as she fired another round.**

 **The camera cuts to Church running back up to Tucker.**

" **Hey dude, the jeep blew up." commented the technically-aqua-but-was-currently-covered-in-black-shit soldier.**

"Cue sarcastic remark." joked York.

" **No kidding. Thanks for the update, Tucker." Church replied sarcastically.**

 **The camera then cuts to Grif and Simmons, who are currently hiding behind a rock.**

"There is no way that's going to protect them for long." muttered Ivan.

" **Firing main cannon." Sheila said for the upteenth time as he fired, hitting the rock.**

" **Hey, I have a GREAT idea." Simmons said in a mocking tone, "Let's get out of the jeep and sneak around the back of the rock."**

" **Firing main cannon."**

" **Great plan, you idiot!"**

 **The camera cuts to Sheila's HUD looking at the rock.**

" **All targets eliminated. Acquiring new target." said Sheila after her systems could no longer detect the two Red Troopers. Her crosshair then starts to pan up and to the left.**

"What is she even expecting to hit?" South asked with a slightly incredulous tone. Flowers had a sinking feeling that he wouldn't like the answer for some reason.

 **The camera cuts back to Church and Tucker with Church standing in the open looking down at the tank.**

" **Hey, Tucker, look at this, man - it's the rookie!" Church said, clearly impressed, "And he brought tank out to scare off the reds."**

" **What? No way!" Tucker replied.**

" **Hey, rookie! Good job, man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?" Church called out.**

" **New target acquired." said Sheila as her turret spun around to aim at Church.**

 **The camera then cuts to Sheila's HUD as her crosshair is slowly panning up the cliffside to aim at Church.**

Flowers' eyes widened.

"What?"

" **That's not a target. That's Church!" said Caboose.**

" **Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church!" the sky-blue soldier shouted, "What's going on, man?"**

"No." Flowers said quietly, but still drawing a few stares.

" **Target locked." said Sheila.**

 **The camera cuts to Caboose in the driver's seat.**

" **What!? No! Target unlock!" the Blue rookie shouted frantically, "Unlock! Please help me, nice lady!"**

"No no no no no no nononononONONONONONONONONONO!" was the only thing the normally calm Freelancer could shout in his panic. By now everyone was staring at him in confusion and slight fear, none of them could understand why usually zen Flowers now seemed on the verge of a panic attack.

 **The camera cuts back to Sheila's HUD.**

" **Firing main cannon." Sheila said simply.**

 **The camera cuts back to Caboose.**

" **Uh oh…"**

 **Cut to Tucker.**

" **Uh oh…"**

 **The camera finally cuts to Church.**

" **What? ..Oh, son of a bi-" was all Church could say before Sheila fired, launching him into the air. His body hit the rock face before landing back on the ledge.**

"NOOOOOO NONONONOOOOOO!" screamed Flowers, clutching his head in horror.

"Stop the video, stop the video, STOP THE VIDEO!" shouted Tex, Ivan scrambled for the remote in response before hitting the pause video. Tex had quickly made her way over to Flowers and was trying to get him to calm down. The rest of the Freelancers (and Ivan) couldn't understand why Flowers of all people was freaking out like this over a Sim Trooper (although Ivan still had no idea what the term meant).

"Flowers, Flowers, listen to me. _Listen to me_." said Tex in a gentle but firm voice, "It's okay. It is okay. Church is going to be okay. _Trust me_ , he is going to be _O. K._ " Wyoming stood up from his recliner and made his way over to Florida as well.

"She's right, old chap. I can attest to it, Church is going to be fine." said the mustached Freelancer, although he did add a "mostly" under his breath, but Florida didn't hear that part.

"I can confirm it too." added South, causing them to look at her, "Remember, earlier I said I recognized some of these guys. Church was one of them." Florida slowly looked from Tex, to Wyoming, to South, and back to Tex. Seeing no hints of lying in their eyes, he slowly took a deep breath as he calmed down.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Ivan. Florida was silent for a moment, then nodded.

"Yes." he answered, then looked around and saw that he had spilled some food during his freak out, "Sorry about the mess." Ivan snapped his fingers in response. As soon as he did, the mess vanished. It looked like nothing ever happened.

"It's no big deal. Now, are you going to be okay if we continue watching? Or do you need more of a break?" Flowers thought about it for a moment before shaking his head.

"I'm fine, you can resume the video." At that, Ivan raised the remote and hit play.

 **The camera then cuts to Tucker.**

" **Holy fuck! Church, are you okay? Talk to me! Church!" Tucker cried in surprise. The camera cuts to Sheila with Tucker still in view.**

" **You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!" shouted Tucker.**

All of the Freelancers (and Ivan) couldn't think to do anything but stare at the screen incredulously. This guy's teammate just got blown up by a tank right in front of him and _that_ was his response?

" **Auto-fire sequence deactivated." said Sheila.**

" **Tucker! ...T-Tucker!" Church gasped out as he was dying.**

" **Church! It's going to be okay, man." said Tucker, trying to reassure his teammate.**

"Ummm, no." Ivan said bluntly, "The amount of people I know, or at least know personally, that can be shot by a tank and walk it off can be counted on one hand. And that includes myself." At this point, the Freelancers weren't even going to react when he said stuff like that anymore.

" **No. Ah... I'm na-I'm not gonna make it. Tucker... there's something I need to tell you." Church said weakly.**

Everyone leaned in at least a little.

" **What is it?" asked Tucker.**

" **I just want you to know.." said Church.**

Everyone leaned in farther

" **I always hated you. I always hated you the most."**

" **Yeah, I know you did. Now hurry up and die, you prick." Tucker deadpanned.**

" **Okay." replied Church, "Herk!...Bleah…" With Church's death, the screen fades to black.**

 ***End Episode***

Everyone sat there in silence trying to process what happened. None of them were unfamiliar with death, and no, that's not just because they were all dead (with the exception of Ivan). Florida was more than upset about what he just saw happen to the Alpha, which he had been tasked with protecting. Then again, he himself remembered seeing Church when that alien had revived him. As in, Church had a physical body. Wait, did that mean… ? With a new theory in mind, Flowers was eager to find out if he was right.

Tex had already known that Church would end up a 'ghost', but it still wasn't easy seeing someone she cared about dying like that.

South was personally hung up on Church's last words to Tucker, thinking about what her last words to North would have been if she had died first. Of course, both of them were already dead, so no use dwelling on it. Right?

"So…" Ivan said slowly, "Next episode?" after not hearing any opposition for a few seconds, the prince lifted the remote and hit play.

 ***Begin Episode 9***

 _ **After Church**_

Florida frowned, did whoever title these episodes have to rub salt in the wound like that? Wait, did Vic title these?

 **The camera fades in to Simmons and Grif running up the ramp to Red Base, where Donut is waiting for them with the Blue Flag.**

" **What happened?" asked the recruit.**

" **Big… Tank…" Grif panted out, "Shooting… Whooooh!"**

" **Damn, man, we only ran like three hundred feet. You are really out of shape." commented Simmons.**

[That's what I said!] Maine pointed out. [And before anyone says it, I know they can't hear me.] York was in the middle of raising his finger and opening his mouth, but stopped after hearing Maine.

" **Fuck... You…" said the orange soldier, still breathing heavily.**

" **Where's your car?" asked Donut.**

" **General Patton here had a great strategy to leave it behind." Simmons said sarcastically.**

" **Hey, it would have worked if that tank hadn't shown up." Grif shot back.**

"Actually, I don't think it would have." pointed out North, "Before Phyl- I mean, Sheila, showed up, Church was just about to steal the Puma."

"Warthog." corrected South.

"But it does look like a puma, though." said Flowers.

" **You lost the jeep? Oh man, Lopez is gonna be pissed." said Donut. "Where is it?" As if on cue, the Warthog suddenly lands on the base after being propelled by an explosion, landing between Donut and the other two.**

"There it is." said York.

 **The camera cuts to a different angle to reveal Sheila in the background.**

" **What the hell..!?" Grif wondered before he is cut off by Sheila firing.**

" **SON OF A BITCH!"**

" **Oh crap!" Donut shouts in surprise as he grabs the flag, "What the hell is that thing?"**

" **That's the tank!" Grif answered as he crouched by the Warthog/Puma.**

" **Hey uh, Grif, uh, you wanna hold the flag for a little bit?" offered the Red rookie as Sheila fired again.**

" **No, keep that away from me!" Grif shouted over the resulting explosion.**

"I'd argue that you actually _would_ want to be near the flag." said Tex.

"Why's that?" asked Connie.

"She has a point," said Ivan, "Even if it's for stupid reasons, that flag is very important-slash-valuable to the Blues. They aren't gonna want it damaged."

"See?" Tex said, giving Ivan a smirk, "The kid gets it."

 **The camera cuts to Caboose in Sheila with Tucker standing beside them just as Sheila fire another round.**

" **Why do you keep firing at the jeep?" Tucker asked Caboose.**

" **Because it's locked on!" answered the Blue rookie, slightly irritated.**

" **Target locked." Sheila confirmed.**

" **Well, unlock it." Tucker said with an irritated voice of his own.**

" **Last time I unlocked it, I KILLED CHURCH!"**

" **Oh, right... keep shooting the jeep then."**

 **The camera cuts to Donut.**

" **I hate to be the one to point this out guys, but I think we're screwed." Said Donut as Sheila causes another explosion.**

"What tipped you off? Is it the tank currently destroying your base?" South asked sarcastically.

" **Yeah. I have to agree with the rookie on this one." admitted Simmons. All of a sudden, radio sounds can be heard. The camera cuts to a Pelican with Sarge's voice being heard over the radio.**

" **Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Come in, Blood Gulch Outpost, come in. Do you read me? This is Sergeant-"**

" **Oh my god, Sarge, is that you?" Grif interrupted.**

" **Roger that, Private." confirmed Sarge "I am currently in-bound to your position from Command."**

"Wait," York said in realization, causing everyone to look at him, "Do any of us know Sarge's real name?" Everyone, except Flowers, thought for a minute. And realized they didn't. Not even Tex. "Sooooooo… does that mean-"

"I know what his name is." Flowers cut in.

"Then what is it, old chap?" asked Wyoming.

"Not gonna tell you."

"What? Why not" asked South, which caused Flowers to grin.

"Because spoilers." his response caused everyone to groan, which in turn caused them to not hear the "maybe" he added under his breath.

"Come on man." complained York, "We already have Tex messing with us, don't you start too."

" **Sir," Simmons said, with Sheila firing again and narrowly missing his head, "this is Simmons."**

" **Hello, Simmons." acknowledged Sarge, "I hope everything's gone alright while I've been gone."**

" **Actually, sir, things are kind of hectic right now. The new rookie arrived, and somehow he managed to-" Grif started to explain, with Sheila periodically firing and causing explosions, "-infiltrate the Blue Base, and now we have their flag, the Warthog is damaged, one of their-"** _ **BOOM**_ **-guys is dead, and there's this huge fucking tank about to destroy our base." This response causes Sarge to say nothing for a moment, with the camera cutting back and forth between the Pelican, and Simmons and Grif, as he tries to process what he has just been told.**

" **...Am I talkin' to the right base?"**

 _Just you wait, Sarge_ , thought Tex, _Soon enough, stuff like this is going to become a norm for you guys._

" **Sarge,"** _ **BOOM**_ " **WE. ARE GOING. TO DIE HERE!" shouts the orange soldier.**

" **Well then hold tight, boys. I think I gotta solution to your little "tank" problem."**

 **The camera cuts to Tucker as he looks up to the sky.**

" **Uh oh." said the covered-in-black-shit soldier as the Pelican flew over Red Base.**

" **Hey, Caboose," he said nervously, "you might wanna get out of the tank. Like right now."**

" **I can't figure out how to get this thing open!" Caboose responded.**

" **Night vision engaged." was all Sheila had to add.**

" **Rookie, get out now!" Tucker insisted as shells were exploding progressively closer to the tank.**

" **Okay, open the do-" Caboose said in a panic, "Okay, I, Sheila, will you please open the door?"**

South snorted.

"Like that's going to work."

" **Driver canopy open." Sheila replied as Caboose got out and ran away.**

"Huh," said North, "It actually worked."

" **Thank you for using the M808V Main Battle-" Sheila is cut off by a shell hitting her and exploding, which causes her to flip upside down.**

" **Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! Running, running, running!" said Caboose, "Man, that was close." he said once he was a fair distance away.**

" **Look at your tank though." said Tucker. The camera then cuts to Sheila.**

" **I'm scared, Dave. Will I dream?" Sheila asked aloud, "Dai-sy…" Sheila began to sing, her voice becoming elongated and distorted, "Dai-sy…"**

"Maybe those dreams will be of electric sheep." muttered Ivan with a smirk.

 **The camera cuts back to Caboose and Tucker.**

" **Sheeeeiilaaaaa! Noooooo!" cried Caboose.**

" **What? No! Sheila! Sheila!" Tucker shouted, before realizing he had no idea who 'Sheila' was, "W-Wait... Who's Sheila?"**

" **Sheila's the lady in the tank. She was my friend…" Caboose replied sadly.**

" **Oh, dude! I knew you could pick up chicks in a tank!" Tucker said as the screen faded to black.**

"Goddammit, Tucker." groaned Connie and South simultaneously, before giving each other a light glare for the accidental synchronisation.

 ***End Episode***

"So," said Tex, "There you have it, the reason I was called to Blood Gulch."

"Is that what that canyon is called?" asked Ivan.

"Yes."

[You sure you're okay?] Maine asked Flowers. Flowers nodded.

"Yes, I'm fine." he said, "Just let me get some more popcorn to replace the stuff I spilled and we can start the next episode."

 **Author's Note:**

 **Well, shit. Once again I've gone for a long time without updating. On the upside, Think of this chapter as a nice little gift for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Whatever you celebrate. Hell, this might even be a Birthday present for some of you. So as per usual, I'm really sorry this took so long, but I've had school and stuff. Also, I've been sort of working on other stories that I hope to put out this month. This includes:**

 **-A Persona 4/RWBY crossover based on a crossover prompt I found a while back. The premise is that the Investigation Team failed to stop Izanami, but instead of being killed, Yu and his friends (that includes Social Links) were sent to Remnant for a second chance at life.**

 **-A Persona 5/RWBY crossover where Adam is taken from Remnant and replaces Akira Kurusu/P5 Protag as the protagonist.**

 **-A Pokemon/ATLA crossover I started way back when that will have a sequel where it crosses with RWBY.**

 **-Another story idea I have is one where RWBY crosses over with multiple other series, including Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, Asura's Wrath, and Star Wars. This one isn't as set-in-stone, though. Characters that would be sent to Remnant would include: Dio Brando, Kira Yoshikage, Asura, Yasha, Anakin Skywalker, and Obi-wan Kenobi. Those are who I have in mind so far. What other two people should I include? They don't have to be from the same franchise. Tell me what you think of this idea.**

 **-A RWBY story where four very powerful people, one of which is Ivan, end up on Remnant. They attract the attention of Ozpin, who offers them positions teaching at Beacon. They accept, and from this point on, the story becomes very AU with eventual OOC-ness. It would be a crack fic in a way, but there would be a method to the madness.**

 **-A RWBY story where a guy, let's say he's… an associate of Ivan's ends up on Remnant and, knowing the events of Volumes 1-3, decides he wants to change these events somewhat. And he does this by adding a new piece to the game. Butterfly Effect ensues and a few destinies are changed, some for better, and some for worse.**

 **So, if any of these catch your interest, be sure to keep an eye out for them! With that stuff out there, on to replies!**

 **Shiranai Atsune**

 **I guess that piece of equipment didn't count in Wyoming's eyes since he could only seem to go back a few minutes at most.**

 **As for wanting to know why Tex got to Blood Gulch, I just figure they want to know why Tex seems kind of attached to the Blood Gulchers**

 **Zedlyfier**

 **Thank you for being understanding, I'm glad you've enjoyed the series so far. Anyway, yeah, Angry Caboose is gonna be fun.**

 **djmegamouth**

 **Neither do I. Oh well.**

 **RWBYSTRQ**

 **I'm glad to hear it! Yeah, waiting for that sounds like a good idea.**

 **Ender the multiverse Detective**

 **I'll do my best, I'm glad you've enjoyed this so far.**

 **D3F4LT**

 ***crying* I'm trying.**

 **Beta117**

 **Ummm… sorry, I guess? I'll keep it in mind, but no one else has been complaining…**

 **MKDemigodZ-Warrior**

 **Probably.**

 **ultima-owner**

 **Yup, I like to think everything worked out for the better though. The Blood Gulch Crew has grown so much.**

 **The Richmaster**

 **I'm happy to hear that! Yeah, just wait until we get to the** _ **actual**_ **time-travel shenanigans.**

 **Tristin**

 **Thank you for that.**

 **Knight**

 **Yeah…**

 **TheCrystalWolf**

 **No big deal, just remember that I have a life outside of this Fic. As much as I enjoy writing it, I do have other stuff I need to worry about.**

 **Kaiborg**

 **Relax, I don't plan on quitting anytime soon. I'm really sorry about the wait but I have school and I'm also trying to work on other Fics is all.**

 **Leonard L. Church**

 **Thank you so much for understanding. It's an honor to have this praised by you of all people.**

 **key**

 **I'm working on it. I'm also working on other fics, so maybe keep an eye out for those if you like my writing! I'm glad you enjoy this.**

 **As always, I hope you've enjoyed this chapter! If you enjoy this Fic and want more, be sure to Follow and Favorite it. If you enjoy my writing, be sure to check other Fics I put out. Keep an eye out for them by following me. Constructive criticism is always welcome. See you next time!**

 **-Finch Daemon**


	7. Season 1: Episodes 10 and 11

**Key:**

Normal text is for the reactions of the Freelancers and their host

 **Bold is the footage they are watching**

 _ **Bold, Italic, and Underline together denote song lyrics**_

[Text in Brackets denotes Maine using the tablet Ivan gave him]

 **-Line Break-**

" _I don't know what the technical military term is for it, but, uh, we're pretty fucked up down here. We need men!"_

 _-Lavernius Tucker, RvB_

 **-Line Break-**

After making absolutely sure that Flowers was okay and wasn't going to freak out again, everyone settled down, but before Ivan could start the next episode, his phone rang.

"Hello?" he answered after checking who it was, "Really? Ok, send it over and I'll give it to him." Hanging up the phone, Ivan then held out his hand. Suddenly, there was a small burst of smoke and fire and a small plushie dropped into his outstretched hand.

"Flowers, package for you, catch." the prince said, tossing the plush to the Freelancer. The plushie was easily caught and the Freelancers were able to get a good look at it.

"Is… is that a Church plush?" Connie asked, recognizing the Mjolnir armor and the sky-blue coloration.

"Yup," responded Ivan, "The sender wanted Flowers to feel better about what he just had to watch, so they sent that."

"Well, I would like to thank them very much." Flowers smiled.

"And I'm sure they appreciate it." said Ivan, "Now, let's get started." and with that, he started the episode.

 ***Begin Episode 10*** **A Shadow of His Former Self**

 **Radio noises can be heard as the camera fades in, revealing Caboose crouching beside Tucker.**

" **Come in, Blue Command." Tucker said into the radio, "This is** **Blood Gulch** **Outpost Alpha. Do you read me?"**

" **Okay, that is the last of it." Caboose said as he stood up, "Your armor is clean now!"**

" **Did you get all the black stuff off?" asked Tucker as more radio noises can be heard.**

"He just said your armor was clean." Connie pointed out. No one bothered to point out they couldn't hear her.

 **The camera then cuts to Vic sitting at his control panel.**

" **This is Blue Command. Come in, Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha." he replied.**

" **Hello, Command! We need help!" Tucker said desperately.**

" **Roger that, Blood Gulch. What is your request?" asked Vic.**

" **I don't know what the technical military term is for it, but, uh, we're pretty fucked up down here." responded the aqua soldier, "We need men!" hearing this made Vic pause a moment before answering.**

"… **Dude, how long have you guys been down there?"**

"Are you kidding me?" South threw up her hands, "Is even the supposed 'Command' of this quote unquote 'army' a joke?" Flowers, meanwhile, blinked. Why was Vic acting like that? He didn't remember his personality being programmed that way.

" **No, no, no, n-not like that!" Tucker replied frantically, "We need more men to help us."**

" **Roger that. Did you get the tank we sent?" Vic checked.**

" **Yeah, that got blown up too."**

" **Wow. Sucks to be you." Vic said bluntly.**

" **Yeah, we know."**

" **Okay, here's what I can do. The nearest Blue forces can be there in 16 days, or I-" Vic said, before being interrupted.**

" **16 days!?" Tucker cried incredulously, "That's almost 2 weeks!"**

South buried her face in her hands.

"These guys are going to give me an aneurysm from sheer stupidity." North gave her a consolatory pat on the back.

" **OR" Vic continued, "I can hire a nearby Freelancer and get him there within a few hours."**

" **I like the 'in an hour' one." Caboose put in his two cents.**

" **Yeah, me too." agreed Tucker, "Roger that, Command. We prefer the quicker solution."**

" **10-4, Blood Gulch. We'll contact Freelancer Tex and have them there post-haste. Command out." replied Vic as he cut off the transmission.**

" _Finally_ Tex is going to show up!" York shouted.

"…Did that Vic guy just call you a dude?" Ivan pointed out.

"What?" asked Tex.

"Vic, he referred to you as a 'him'." To prove his point, the prince rewound the video a short bit. Hearing the part that Ivan was referring to, Tex chose not to comment.

" **Whoever he is, make sure he can fix a tank." Tucker added.**

" **What's a Freelancer?" asked the Blue rookie.**

" **Freelancers are independent." the aqua soldier explained, "They're not Red or Blue. They're just guns for hire who'll fight for whoever has the most money."**

" **Like a mercenary." Caboose pointed out.**

"Mercenaries?" Ivan asked, tilting his head to the side, "I knew you guys were called the Freelancers, but I didn't know the name was so _literal_."

"I'm sure it gets explained later." said North.

" **Right. Or like your mom when the rent's due." Tucker jabbed.**

"… **Oh, that's funny." Caboose said after a moment.**

" **Yeah?" asked Tucker, "You didn't think that was too obvious?"**

" **No, no, not at all. It- It was good." replied Caboose. Then, a ghostly image of Church faded into view between Tucker and Caboose.**

" **Tucker…" Church called out in a ghostly voice, "Tucker…"**

Everyone but Tex, Maine, and Flowers stared at the screen in shock.

 _Wait a minute!_ they (not including Ivan) thought _Is he…?_

" **Who the hell are you!?" cried the aqua trooper.**

" **I am the ghost of Church, and I've come back with a warning!" the ghost of Church replied.**

" **You're not Church! Church is blue. You're white!" the Blue rookie pointed out.**

" **Rookie, shut up, man!" Church said, frustrated and dropping the ghost voice, "I'm a freakin' ghost! Have you ever seen a blue ghost before?"**

" **Yeah, that's definitely him." Tucker confirmed.**

" **Now I gotta start over again." Church grumbled before clearing his throat and going back into his ghost voice, "Tucker… Tucker…! I've come back with a warning!"**

" **Is it** _ **really**_ **necessary to do the voice?" questioned Tucker.**

" **Yeah, it's kinda annoying." agreed Caboose.**

"Do you know any ghosts?" Connie asked Ivan.

"Yes, why?" he replied.

"Do any of _them_ speak like that?"

"Only when they're making fun of, or bitching about, how they're portrayed in some media."

" **Fine." Church said, dropping the ghost act again, "Okay, here's the deal: I've come back from the dead to give you a warning about Tex. Don't let-"**

" **What's the warning?" Caboose interrupted.**

" **Shut up for one second and I'll tell you!" snapped Church.**

" **Oh, sorry."**

" **Seriously, man. I mean, I'm coming back from the great beyond here. Do you think this is easy? It's not." Church ranted, "It's not like, just, you know, pop in and out whenever I feel like it, it takes a lot of concentration."**

 _If it weren't for the fact that I saw how he died, I'd be surprised he's even back at all._ Thought Ivan.

" **Sorry." Caboose apologized again.**

" **I mean, it's bad enough that you killed me to begin with but now I come back and I can't get a word in edgewise, man." Church took a deep breath, "Okay, here's the deal-"**

" **Is this the warning?" the Blue rookie interrupted again.**

" **Alright, that's it. I swear to god, Caboose, your ass is haunted. When we're done here, I'm gonna haunt you."**

" **Yeah, you're even starting to bug me." agreed the aqua soldier.**

"Shouldn't you be telling Tucker to not be so hard on Caboose or something?" Connie asked Flowers, catching him off guard.

"Well, uh, Caboose would technically need to be punished for the team-kill…" he trailed off, toying with the Church plushie and trying to think of an excuse. He wasn't 'mad' per se, but he still wasn't happy about how Caboose almost damaged or, heaven forbid, _destroyed_ the Alpha.

"Who cares." South interjected, drawing an annoyed look from Connie.

" **Okay, Tucker. You remember that I told you that I was stationed on** **Sidewinder** **before they transferred me here to Blood Gulch, right?" asked the ghost of Church.**

" **No." Tucker said bluntly.**

" **Sidewinder? Isn't that the ice planet?" the Blue rookie pointed out.**

" **Yes." responded Church**

" **Cool! What was that like?" Caboose asked excitedly.**

" **Um.. it was cold." Church's ghost said bluntly.**

" **That's it?" Caboose pressed, "Just cold?"**

" **What do you want from me? A poem?" Church asked, annoyed, "It's a planet made entirely out of ice. It's really.. fuckin'.. Cold."**

[Can confirm.] Maine piped up.

" **Will you just let him talk?" Tucker asked the blue soldier. Hoping that he would be receiving no further interruptions from Caboose, Church began his story.**

" **Alright, well…" Church began to narrate, the camera fading to a view of the Blue Base on Sidewinder,** " **One day, when I was there, everything was just like normal. I remember.. I was out on patrol with my partner, Jimmy. That Jimmy was a real good kid. Everybody liked him."**

" **D'ya think I was a good kid, Church?" asked Tucker.**

" **Tucker, don't get jealous, man. Just listen to the story, okay?" the ghost chided the aqua soldier lightly, "Like I said, the guys were hanging around, waiting for some action, bitching about the cold…"**

" **Man, it's fucking cold." said one of the Sidewinder Blues.**

" **I hope we get some action." agreed another.**

" **Anyway, Jimmy was in the middle of telling me all about this girlfriend he had back home."**

" **Yep, as soon as I get back, I'm gonna get down on one knee and ask her to marry me." said a soldier, speaking in a highland southern accent.**

" **And that's when Tex showed up." A soldier in active camouflage moves in front of Jimmy and Church.**

" **Private Mickey was the first to go. He was halfway across the base when all of sudden he started screaming bloody murder…"**

" **Bloody murder!" one of the soldiers shouted, spinning in circles and shooting wildly, "Bloody murder!"**

Everyone sweat drops at the soldier's cry.

 **The camera cuts to a Blue soldier firing an Assault Rifle being hit from behind by a camouflaged Tex.**

" **The whole thing was over before it even started." The camera cuts to Tex killing another Blue, before switching to Jimmy and Church firing their guns.**

" **Poor Jimmy was the last one to go. Tex walked up to him, pulled Jimmy's skull right out of his head, and beat him to death with it." The description of the death resulted in the camera cutting from the flashback back to Tucker at Blood Gulch.**

" **Wait a second.." The aqua soldier questioned, "how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible."**

"Seriously?" York asked, turning to Tex, "You did all that?"

"I don't remember any of this." Tex frowned. Flowers remained silent, thinking back to when the Alpha was first implanted into Private Jimmy.

" **That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming." Church replied. The camera then cuts to Tex hitting Jimmy with his own skull.**

" **This doesn't seem physically possible!" the Sidewinder Blue screams, before he collapses to the ground, dead, "Hurk! Bleh…"**

Everyone sweat drops again, harder.

 **The camera then cuts back to Blood Gulch.**

" **Bottom line is, these Freelancers, they're bad news, and Tex is one of the worst." Church finished.**

"Well, fuck you, too." York grumbled.

"Prick." agreed South. Maine, Wyoming, and Tex all remained silent and acknowledged the fact that they _do_ end up putting these guys through a ton of shit in the future.

" **If he's such a bad-ass, why didn't he kill you?" Asked Caboose. The camera then cuts to Church standing alone on Sidewinder, then panning out to reveal the ground covered in blood and corpses.**

" **To tell ya, I don't know why I'm not dead." admitted the ghost of Church, "Coulda killed me at any point. ...But maybe it's because Tex and I have run into each other once before."**

" **Where?" asked Tucker.**

" **You, uh.. you remember that girl I told you about, back home? Well, let's just say that Tex is the real reason why we never got married." Church explained.**

Everyone but Tex blinked and turned to stare at her. Tex simply continued to watch.

" **Guys, I'm fading fast, and I don't know when I'll be back. Just listen to my warning. Don't let Tex get involved here." Church insisted.**

" **Okay." said Tucker.**

" **I mean it, Tucker. No fighting, no scouting, nothing. You'll regret it…" Church warned one last time before fading away.**

" **So..!" Tucker turned to Caboose, "Tex and Church were after the same girl."**

" **I told you his girlfriend was a slut." said Caboose**

Tex buried her face in her hands.

 _Goddammit Caboose_ she thought, remembering back to how the Blue soldier wasn't even aware that she had been standing _right behind him_ when he said that. At least she ended up getting payback.

 **The camera than panned back, revealing Tex standing behind Tucker and Caboose, before the screen fades to black.**

 ***End Episode***

Tex turns and sees everyone staring at her.

"What?"

"Nothing! Just…" Connie trailed off.

"Didn't know you swung that way." offered York, causing Tex to facepalm.

"I don't."

"Hey, we're not going to judge. It's okay if you're into-" North said before being cut off.

"I said it's not like that." Tex interrupted, "What it is is that- you know what? Ivan, just play the next episode." Ivan said nothing, instead opting to shrug and comply.

 ***Begin Episode 11*** **Knock Knock. Who's There? Pain.**

 **The camera fades in to Sarge and Grif standing next to the Warthog, which is now on its side behind Red Base. Lopez is crouched over it, repairing it, as evidenced by the socket wrench heard in the background.**

" **And then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock, but uh, well that's when the tank showed up and.. shit just started blowin' up. I don't know." the orange soldier sighed as he finished his explanation. Sarge exhales in exasperation.**

" **Grif, do you have any godly idea how much this piece of equipment costs?" the Red Sergeant asked.**

" **I-I don't know," the orange soldier stammered, "uh, like, uh, what.. ten, ten.. twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe? Uh, you-you're gonna kill me now, aren't you?"**

"Probably." everyone chorused.

" **Tell you what, Grif, I'm a fair man. I'll give you a ten second head start here before I let Lopez do anything he wants to ya." Sarge replied, indicating the brown soldier behind him. Upon hearing this, Lopez stopped working and stood up to face Grif.**

" **Guys, I just want you to know, I'm really, really sorry here, and-" Grif tried to amend, only for Lopez to put down his tool and pull out a gun.**

" **Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi." counted Sarge.**

"Less talking, more running." York advised.

" **Okay, uh, I guess I better get going then." said Grif as he began to back away.**

 **Lopez and Sarge looked at each other, then turned and started firing at Grif off screen.**

" **Hey guys, that's not funny! Somebody could get hurt here." Grif called from off screen. The camera then cuts to the top of Blue Base, where Tex is firing at something while Tucker stood next to them, finishing his explanation on the current situation.**

" **That's basically it, sir. They have five guys over there and a big jeep." summed up the aqua soldier.**

" **And your flag." Tex added, their voice heavily distorted, as they reloaded.**

" **Right, that too." Tucker admitted as Tex threw a grenade at something.**

" **Uh, hey, Tex?" asked Tucker, "I don't know what it's been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here." The camera then panned to reveal Tex had been firing at Caboose.**

" **I'm scared." said the Blue rookie as he stood completely still, surrounded by bullet marks on the wall behind him.**

Everyone looks at Tex again as she smiles at the memory.

 **Tex then goes to look over various weapons, and Caboose runs over to the black and aqua troopers.**

" **So, you've got the Special Forces black armor, I see." Tucker pointed out, "Were you in the Special Forces at some point?" Tex did not respond, and instead just looked at Tucker while reloading a gun.**

" **Yeah, I used to have black armor too. It was black because I got this stuff all over it from th-" Tucker tried to continue before Tex ran off.**

" **Oh, okay, you gotta go? I'll see you later." The aqua trooper called.**

" **I don't think he likes you." Caboose whispered loudly.**

"I don't like him, either." Connie and South said at the same time, causing the two to glare at each other again.

" **...Thanks." Tucker replied sarcastically. The pair of Blue soldiers then ran to the edge of the base.**

" **Where are you going?" Tucker asked.**

" **Red Base. Kill everybody. Get the flag back." The black mercenary replied curtly.**

" **Oh... Okay! We'll just stay here and guard the trans.. Porter…" Caboose replied, uncertainty in his voice. The camera then cuts to Grif on top of Red Base.**

" **So, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed, probably because** _ **somebody**_ **didn't believe in it." said the orange soldier, turning to look pointedly at Simmons**

 _3… 2… 1…_ Everyone counted down mentally.

" **Bullshit." denied the maroon trooper.**

 _There it is._ Everyone thought.

" **He told me he thought you were a retarded monkey, and he's gonna suspend your weapon privileges."**

" **Hey, since I captured the flag, d'ya think they'll give me my own color armor now?" asked Donut, who was still holding the flag.**

" **What do you mean 'captured'?" asked Simmons, "You thought you were buying it at the store, you idiot."**

" **Still, you think there's a shot?" the rookie pressed.**

" **Maybe they'll give you Grif's armor, since he destroyed the Warthog." joked the maroon trooper.**

" **Hyeah," Grif laughed long, before a sort of realization hit him, "heh-wait... You don't.. You don't think they'd do that, do you?"**

"Armor color really matters to these guys, huh." Ivan noted.

"These things are titled 'Red vs Blue', surely you must have expected color to be something of an important matter." Wyoming pointed out, holding up the Season 1 case to prove his point. When Ivan did not respond the mustachioed Freelancer smirked and turned back to the video.

 **The camera then cuts to Sarge standing behind Lopez and watching him fix the Warthog/Puma as a socket wrench is heard in the background.**

" **Try connectin' that hose to that metal thingy there." Sarge suggested, causing Lopez to stop and stand up.**

" **I think that's what's makin' that rattle." the sergeant continued. Lopez wordlessly turned to face Sarge.**

"Word of advice," said Wyoming, "Don't tell other people how to do their job. I know _I_ hate it when that happens to me."

" **I think I'll let you do it." Lopez returned to his work. Meanwhile a shimmer can be seen as an invisible Tex runs by behind them.**

" **What the...?" Sarge seemed to sense something, "What was that?" he wondered when he saw nothing. The camera cuts to Grif.**

" **Simmons, what's going on? What's over there?"**

" **I thought I saw something for a second." Simmons replied, looking over the edge of the base. The camera then pans down to reveal the invisible Tex, before cutting back to Grif.**

" **Hey rookie, tuck the flag someplace safe until we can figure out what's goin' on." the orange soldier instructed.**

" **Good idea. I was sick of carrying this thing anyway." said Donut, before turning and dropping the flag into the middle of the base.**

"So much for that flag being so important if he's just gonna toss down into the base like that." Ivan grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 **The camera then cuts to Tex, then back to Grif and Simmons as they look off the edge of the base.**

" **Did you hear that?" asked the maroon soldier.**

" **Yeah."**

" **Hey! What's going on?" whispered Donut. The camera cuts back to Tex, who throws a plasma grenade, then to a view of Grif and Simmons from behind as Grif turns around.**

" **What the fuck?" said the confused soldier. The camera cuts to reveal Donut with the plasma grenade stuck to his helmet.**

"Not cool, Tex." said York as he touched the scar on his face.

"Sorry." Tex mumbled in response. Wyoming and Maine shifted uncomfortably.

" **What?" asked the Red rookie. Simmons then turns around as well.**

" **What is** _ **that**_ **thing?" he wondered.**

"Again with the underwhelming reactions." muttered Connie, "Do you seriously not recognize the fact that your teammate has a grenade stuck on his face?"

[Pretty sure we established a long time ago that these guys are incompetent.] Maine pointed out.

" **What thing?" asked Donut, concern in his voice.**

" **There's somethin' on your head." said Grif.**

" **What, is it a spider? Get it off!"**

" **No, it's not a spider, it's, like a.. blue thing." said Simmons.**

" **What, like a blue spider?" asked Donut, "Get it off!"**

" **It's not a spider! Calm down. It's some kinda.. fuzzy, pulsating thing." Grif tried (and failed) to clarify.**

[That has to be the worst explanation, ever.] said Maine.

"Of all-" some of the other Freelancers began to say.

"Of all time. Yeah, we've made that joke a bunch of times already." interrupted Ivan, who was totally not feeling left out by being the only one to not really be 'in' on the joke.

" **That doesn't sound much better than a spider." the Red rookie pointed out.**

" **Does it hurt?" asked Simmons.**

" **No."**

" **Maybe we should try to take it off." suggested Simmons.**

" **Good idea." agreed Grif, "Go for it."**

" **Me? By 'we' I meant 'you'. Asshole." the maroon soldier retorted.**

"Am I the only one who feels like South and Connie would have a similar conversation?" wondered York.

"Probably." replied South.

"Well…" Tex trailed off.

"…Given the current relationship between the two…" Ivan continued.

"It doesn't seem outside the realm of possibility." Wyoming agreed slowly.

"Really?" Connie deadpanned as she looked around at everyone. Maine looked away while whistling, and Flowers did the same.

"I actually don't mind agreeing with you on this." South grumbled, "Seriously, what a bunch of idiots. Right, North?"

"Uh…" North's hesitancy to reply resulted in South glaring at her twin, making him look away and shift uncomfortably.

" **Well somebody needs to get it off. Look, it might be dangerous." said Donut. Just before the grenade exploded.**

" **Son of a bitch!" Grif and Simmons cry. The camera then fades to black, the sound of people getting hit can be heard.**

" **Sim- Where'd he go?" Grif asked, more sounds of people being hit can be heard.**

" **Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!" the orange soldier cried.**

 ***End Episode***

"Can't wait to see their reactions when they realize Tex is a girl." said Connie as she stood up and stretched.

"It'll be a good lesson for Tucker and Caboose to not assume that just because someone's a badass then that means they're a dude." agreed North as he also stood up and worked a kink out of his neck.

"Let's take a break for a little bit before we start the next episode." suggested Ivan. Everyone agreed.

 **Author's Note:**

 **Good news everyone! This fic isn't dead! That aside, this really needs to stop becoming a habit. As per usual, I am** _ **really**_ **sorry that this took so long. I can only blame school, the fact that I wanted to work on some other stories a little, and because I'm a lazy fuck. I'm hoping to get back into this fic a little since Season 16 is going to be starting soon, so I'm hopefully going to focus on this more. Since it's been so long since I uploaded a chapter, I'm sorry if there was a drop in quality. Obligatory apology out of the way, onto replies!**

 **MKDemigodZ-Warrior**

 **Flowers was in charge of picking out the Blood Gulch Crew, so I'm pretty sure he got a look at Sarge's file or something.**

 **BraveSeeker3**

 **Flowers appreciates the plushie, as you probably read. As for the whole 'Vic titling the episodes', that was an on-the-spot idea/joke I came up with, believe it or not.**

 **slayer of the abyss**

 **The other AI were straight up deleted by the EMP, the Tex that you see here was the one from the Memory Unit. The circumstances of her 'death' just seemed so unique to me that it made sense to me to include her here. As for Church, I am thinking of adding him later, but at the rate I'm uploading chapters for this fic, that's going to take a** _ **long**_ **time.**

 **RWBYSTRQ**

 **Glad to hear you enjoyed it! The fic isn't dead, I've just been busy with other stuff. Like school, other fics, and my own laziness. I do plan on focusing on this story a little more once Season 16 starts, though.**

 **Sailor Luck**

 **Yeah, he always seemed like a caring guy to me.**

 **LordOfMemory**

 **I'm pretty sure the other Freelancers knew that the Alpha was hidden, just not** _ **where**_ **. That aside, they're gonna be able to put it together pretty quick that Church is an AI.**

 **guest**

 **What the fuck?**

 **Guest**

 **Glad to hear it! I hope you continue to enjoy my writing.**

 **bluechair607**

 **Glad to hear you enjoyed it! I'm also pretty proud of how I wrote Flowers too, glad to hear you liked it. As for your english, I actually wouldn't have known it was your second language if you hadn't told me, don't sell yourself short.**

 **haydenunstopable**

 **Never thought of it like that. But then again, that's Reaction Fics in a nutshell.**

 **haydenunstopable**

 **I'll be sure to include that at some point. It'll probably result in Ivan saying "I told you guys that the pantry would magically produce food, you know. This shouldn't surprise you.".**

 **Shadow the Ranger**

 **Glad to hear you enjoyed, and I will try to upload more often with Season 16 coming soon. As for more episodes per chapter: if I did that, I'm pretty sure I would literally never get around to updating this, sorry.**

 **CrimsontheBloodyDemonKing**

 **Yeah, I like them too. Though sometimes I get frustrated if I find one for a series I wanted to see a fic for, only for it to be poorly written. I'm glad to see that you seem to enjoy mine. And Season 10? God, that seems so far away…**

 **RelativityTargaryen**

 **Thank you so much for thinking so highly of this! And you can understand Lopez? That's impressive, especially since that, as far as I know, the writers deliberately make sure Lopez's spanish is somewhat poor. Like using the incorrect forms of certain words, or just writing the lines in english and then putting them through an outdated translation program one word at a time.**

 **Guest**

 **I plan on it, don't worry.**

 **Chaos. Creator Of The Universe**

 **Don't worry, I do plan on continuing this.**

 **AGCrossingWorld**

 **Hopefully this will sate you until the next one, then.**

 **kingvlad2011**

 **You mean the Reds and Blues watching RvB? Or something else?**

 **Storylover213**

 **I'm glad to hear you enjoy this, and hopefully Season 16 will help me to get off my lazy ass more.**

 **Lord Of Memory**

 **Thank you, I will.**

 **Shiranai Atsune**

 **Fear not, my boi! Season 16 shall hopefully light a fire under my butt, so I'll hopefully make you all have to wait less between chapters.**

 **Dragonsatan**

 **Don't worry, it is. I've just been busy with other stuff. And I'm lazy.**

 **Doombringer069**

 **Yes, sorry for making you all wait.**

 **And done! With that out of the way, time to sign off. If you enjoyed this fic, be sure to follow it so you can see the updates if you haven't already. If you enjoy my writing, also be sure to check out my other stories if you feel like it. As always, be sure to tell me what you think, and I'm always open to constructive criticism. Emphasis on** _ **constructive**_ **.**

 **South: Oh, yeah. There was that one guy that was kind of a douche on one of your other stories, wasn't there.**

 **How did you get in here?**

 **South: Him. *points to Ivan***

 **Ivan: How's it going, boss?**

 **Yeah, that makes sense. Regardless, this is Finch Daemon signing off. Peace!**

 **-Finch Daemon**


	8. Season 1: Episodes 12 and 13

**Key:**

Normal text is for the reactions of the Freelancers and their host

 **Bold is the footage they are watching**

[Text in Brackets denotes Maine using the tablet Ivan gave him]

 **-Line Break-**

" _Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot."_

 _-Leonard L. Church, RvB_

 **-Line Break-**

"Everyone ready to continue?" asked Ivan after everyone was finished with their break.

"It's about time," griped South, "It's been only 10 minutes but it feels likes months."

 ***Begin Episode 12***

 _ **Down, but not Out**_

 **The camera fades in to Caboose standing on top of Blue Base looking through a sniper rifle.**

"Should Caboose really have that thing?" South wondered, "If Church can't hit anything with it, Caboose is probably only capable of hitting teammates."

" **Man... He is really kicking their asses." the Blue Rookie commented.**

" **How come I never get the fucking sniper rifle?" complained Tucker. Caboose lowers the rifle.**

" **I'm really glad Tex is on our team and not theirs." Caboose continued.**

"Pretty sure anyone would be glad to have Tex on their team." noted Ivan. Tex was about to respond, but then a thought occurred to her that kept her silent.

" **Sure makes things a lot easier on us." agreed the aqua soldier.**

" **Yeah. I think switching Tex for Church was a good trade." the rookie pointed out.**

" **It definitely seems like your killing Church is starting to work out for us." Tucker agreed.**

The silence in the room was deafening.

"Were any of us that casual about one of the others dying?" asked York.

"… I almost want to say the way most of us acted was worse, at least near the end." replied North. The rest of the Freelancers chose not to say anything, South and Connie would occasionally try to look at each other in a subtle way. But every time one tried, they kept getting caught by the other and would quickly look away.

" **Ya know, ya think so?" asked Caboose, "You know, I was gonna say something but, uh, well you know, uh… nuh…"**

" **Did Tex get in the base?" asked Tucker, prompting Caboose to look through the rifle again, just in time to see Tex enter Red Base.**

" **Yeah." he reported. The camera then cuts to inside Blue Base, where the flag reappears.**

" **Blue Team, flag returned." announced a male voice.**

" **What the...?" Tucker looked around, confused, "Who said that?"**

"Seriously, who was that?" Even Tex was confused.

" **Sorry, that was me." Church explained after clearing his throat, "I, uh, I guess I had something stuck in my throat. Your flag is back, by the way."**

Everyone sweatdropped a little.

" **Hey, it's Church!" Caboose excitedly pointed out the obvious.**

" **Yeah, it's me. Hey, Caboose." Church greeted the Blue Rookie**

" **Hey, Church, what're you up to?" Caboose asked in a peppy tone.**

" **Caboose, ah-huh-huh," Church laughed, "I'm not really here to make small-talk, okay?" he then turned serious, "How'd you guys manage to get your flag back?"**

" **Wh-What? Oh, th-that flag?" Tucker stammered, "We've always had that."**

" **Tucker, who do you think you're trying to fool?" Church admonished, before he realized someone was missing, "Hey, wait a second... Where's Tex?"**

"Oh, shit." York grinned, "They're in trouble."

"Oh, yeah. Church did say he didn't want them to let Tex get involved, didn't he?" South smirked.

" **I'm not really sure," Tucker explained, trying to come up with a story "he said he was gonna go to the store, something about uh, elbow grease." Unfortunately, Church saw right through the lie.**

" **Oh great. This is so typical! What was the one thing I told you guys the last time I appeared?" he snapped.**

" **That Sidewinder is cold..!?" Caboose guessed cluelessly.**

" **What was the OTHER one thing I told you?" Church grunted.**

"That Private Jimmy was a good kid." snarked Wyoming.

"That Tex can rip out a man's skull and beat him to death with it." added Ivan.

[That Tex was the reason you never married your girlfriend.] said Maine.

"Can you people let that go already?" groaned Tex.

" **Not to let him get involved?" Tucker guessed.**

" **Right." Church confirmed, "And what did you do?"**

" **..We let him get involved." Tucker answered, sounding like a kid caught in a lie.**

" **And not just a little involved. How involved?" Church continued to prompt.**

" **Very, very involved." answered Caboose, also sounding like a kid caught in a lie. The camera then cuts to Tex walking through Red Base, with Sarge emerging from the left.**

" **Freeze." ordered the Red Sergeant. At the same time, Lopez comes in from the right, trapping the Freelancer.**

"You seriously got caught by these guys?" South asked incredulously.

"Overconfidence mixed with underestimating the enemy can lead to anyone screwing up." countered Tex.

" **Drop your weapon." demanded Sarge, to which Tex complies.**

" **Hey, buddy." the Freelancer began.**

" **What?" Sarge replied**

" **You really better hope the first one knocks me out." Sarge proceeded to hit Tex with the butt of his shotgun, conveniently knocking out the mercenary in one hit. The camera then cuts to the top of Red Base, where Grif is getting to his feet and Simmons is kneeling next to Donut.**

" **Ow, what the…" the orange soldier groaned, "My freakin' head. Jesus."**

" **He's hurt, Grif." Simmons said, standing up from tending to Donut, "He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast."**

' _He's hurt', no shit, he took a grenade to the head._ Thought everyone. York once again subconsciously touched his scar.

" **Yeah, yeah, hold on one second. What happened here?" asked Grif, "W- First Donut's head exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up and started-"**

" **Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait." interrupted the maroon soldier, "I did not faint, something knocked me out."**

"To be fair to Simmons, I did actually knock him out." admitted Tex.

" **Okay fine, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night." responded Grif.**

" **Man, just go find Sarge, we need to get Donut outta here." said the maroon soldier.**

" **Yeah, sure. Oh, and uh, I'm fine by the way. Thanks for asking." the orange soldier replied, before running down the ramp.**

" **Whatever, no one likes you anyway." mutters Simmons. The camera then cuts to Caboose once again looking at Red Base through a sniper rifle.**

" **Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead... Captured or dead." Caboose reported, before gasping as he has an epiphany, "Or captured AND dead!"**

" **Oh, well that's just PERFECT!" Church snaps sarcastically.**

" **What!? What is your problem!? Why do you even care if he's captured?" asked Tucker, "I thought you hated that guy anyway for stealing your girlfriend."**

Tex growled a little and pinched the bridge of her nose.

" **I never said I hated Tex." responded Church, "I just said that she was the reason why we never got married." Caboose noticed something odd about what Church said.**

"Huh, so Church is aware Tex is a girl." North commented.

"I'm actually surprised he isn't pissed at Tex for stealing-" York was promptly cut off by Tex.

"Next person to even _insinuate_ that I stole Church's girlfriend is getting punched." Everyone else wisely remained silent.

"' **She'?" The camera then cuts to the inside of Red Base, where everyone but Donut is present.**

" **Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here." explained Simmons**

" **Could you put that in a memo and entitle it 'Shit I already know'!" Sarge replied sarcastically, "Get on the horn with Command!" he then turns to Tex as she stands up, "Well, look who's up. Rise 'n' shine, buttercup." As Tex stands up, there are sparks flying from her armor, causing her to jerk around a bit. There's also a brief sound, like a distorted voice.**

" **Oh great…" the Freelancer complained in her real feminine voice, "You broke my voice filter. You cock biting fucktards!"**

"Never did get around to fixing that…"

" **Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache this big!" exclaimed Grif. The camera then fades to black.**

Connie resists the urge to facepalm. South does not.

 ***End Episode***

"Let's get going to the next episode." declared Tex, "If only to clear up my past with Church." Ivan nodded.

"Alright, just-" whatever he was about to say next was cut off by his phone going off again.

"Hello?" he blinked a little , "You're sending-? I see, just give me a moment." Ivan then stood up and walked behind everyone and snapped his fingers, conjuring a table, "Alright we're good to go." once more, he hung up his phone and put it in his pocket.

Another burst of fire and smoke, and there was now a cake on the table. Taking a closer look, the Freelancers realized that the cake was designed to look like a child's rendition of a mjolnir helmet drawn in crayon. It was actually well drawn, and the color…

"Is that a Caboose cake?" Flowers realized. Ivan just shrugged.

"Looks like it, but that isn't all…" True to his word, there was another burst of smoke and flame, and a large cardboard box appeared next to the cake. Ivan walked over to the box and extended his index finger, where a small blade of ice formed that he then used to slice the tape.

"You might as well come over here," he said, "These are all gifts to you people

Curious, the Freelancers got up to see what was in store.

"For Maine, we have something called a 'Bruteshot'." Ivan casually lifted the weapon out of the box and handed it to the juggernaut of a man. Maine put it on his back and pulled out his tablet.

[I appreciate getting this back, but what exactly am I supposed to do with it? It's not like we're getting into fights.]

"You could eat off of it." York joked. Maine shook his head.

[That'd be stupid, I'll probably just mount it on the wall or something.]

"Anyway," Ivan continued, "For Tex, we have a stuffed bear wearing black Mjolnir armor appropriately named 'Austin'." The bear was handed to Texas.

"For North, we have a plushie of someone named 'Theta' because apparently the person who sent this has a crush on you.." The Freelancers went silent at the declaration.

"How do you know they-?" North's question was cut off by Ivan holding up notes that had been attached to the gifts, "Okay, well, then who sent us this stuff?"

"Uhhh…" Ivan shuffled through the notes, "That would be… Agent North Carolina of Project Rookie?" The Freelancers all blinked.

"Since when was there a Project Rookie?" Connie asked the question on everyone's mind.

"Apparently she also took some kind of quiz that said Tex was her sister…?" Ivan hesitantly threw out. The Freelancers all stared at him.

"A quiz?" South echoed in disbelief, "Like one of those 'Which Avenger are you' quizzes?" The prince just shrugged.

"I guess…?" The Freelancers collectively decided that it wasn't worth getting invested in trying to figure out this Project Rookie business.

"So, what else is in there?" asked York.

"Well, for you we have yet another plush, this time it's someone called 'Delta'." Ivan pulled out a plush wearing bright green Mjolnir armor. York accepted the plushie with a nostalgic smile.

"For Flowers we have a Tucker plushie." Ivan handed Flowers the aqua plush holding a mini plastic energy sword.

"Wyoming also gets a plushie, this one is someone by the name of 'Junior'." Wyoming gave a flat stare as he accepted the stuffed sangheili wearing aqua armor.

"Hey, there's something in here for you, too." York noticed, taking something out of the box and handing it to Ivan.

"A gunmetal dagger." The prince noted, surprised, but grateful, that someone decided to send him something. He then summoned a sheath for the dagger and mounted it on his belt before turning back to the remaining gifts, "Anyway, for Connie, 'Have a stuffed version of your boyfriend you-' Oh, jeez." Ivan crumpled up the note and tossed it behind him into a waste bin that appeared next to a wall as he handed the plush to the Freelancer.

"Do I want to know what she called me?" She questioned, as Tex got curious and went to see what the note said.

"No."

"I'll take your word for it."

"And last, but not least, South." Ivan changed subjects, "For her we have… An A.I. fragment named 'Ceta'." Hearing that, all the Freelancers tensed up.

"An A.I. Fragment." South echoed, grimacing slightly, "Lovely…" she muttered.

"Hey, kid." Tex piped up, looking at the uncrumpled note from Connie's gift, "Is there any way for me to contact the person who sent is this stuff?" Ivan scratched the back of his head.

"Not exactly, but I can put you in contact with someone who can pass on a message."

"Cool." Tex nodded, "Do that." In response, Ivan snapped his fingers and summoned a door leading to a new room, before pulling out his cellphone, pulling up a contact, and handing the device to Texas.

"The room's mostly soundproof, so no one will be able to hear you unless you starting shouting." he explained, "Just hit call and the person who answers will pass on your message." Nodding and taking the phone, Tex went to the new room and did just that.

"So…" South began slowly, fiddling with the A.I. Fragment chip in her hands, "What are we going to do about this?"

"We could plug it into this." Ivan offered, showing that he had summoned a disc shaped projector with a cable to for the chip. South saw no reason not to go along.

Plugging the chip into the able, everyone waited. And waited. And waited. After about a minute of nothing, it was firmly established something had gone wrong.

"Now what?" asked North.

"Just a minute." muttered Ivan as he summoned a laptop and witched the cable to it. After typing the key for a moment, he noticed something odd.

"I think I've found the problem. This chip _used_ to have something on it, but most of it's been erased, and what little remains has been corrupted beyond repair, almost like this chip was in range-"

[When someone set off an emp?] guessed Maine, having a sneaking suspicion as to what happened. Ivan looked at the hulking man.

"Set off an _E.M.P_ , yes. How'd you guess?"

[Sorry, didn't put the periods so the program read it as a word instead of an acronym. That aside, let's just call it a hunch.] South, meanwhile, just shrugged.

"Eh, just as well, y'know?" she figured, "Without listing anything too specific, these A.I. Fragments are usually more trouble than they're worth." All the Freelancers present were inclined to agree.

"Well, then I guess all that's left to do is wait for Tex to finish with her call." suggested Flowers, to which everyone agreed.

 **-Line Break-**

 _Meanwhile, with Tex_

The room Ivan had created was nothing special, size-wise it was somewhere between an actual room and a broom closet, and there wasn't any form of furniture. Not that Tex cared as she called the number on Ivan's contact list and held the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" asked a voice.

"Hey, Ivan lent me his phone, I was told you could pass on a message for me?" she replied.

"Yes, that would be correct." the voice on the other side confirmed, "And who would this message be to?"

"Agent North Carolina of Project Rookie."

"I see. Simply state your message, hang up when you are done, and I will pass it on." Taking a deep breath, Tex began.

"Alright, North Carolina, here's the thing, Connie doesn't deserve to be villainized for what she did. If you knew why she did what she did, I'm sure you would agree. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you didn't know what the Director was doing behind the scenes." Tex clenched her free hand into a fist, "How he _tortured_ the Alpha, making him fragment to try and save himself. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you didn't know about any of that, rather than that you _did_ , but just didn't care. Could Connie have gone about things a different way? A better way? Maybe. But, hey, hindsight's 20/20. Since you see me as a sister, I figured I would be the best person to tell you this, that I would be the one you would be most likely to listen to." the Freelancer sighed, "Just, give it some thought. And for what it's worth, thanks for the gifts."

Ending the call, she turned and went back to the main room. When she got there, she saw everyone getting settled for the next episode with a slice of cake. And that true to what Maine said earlier, they had mounted the Bruteshot on the wall.

"Everything go well?" questioned Wyoming.

"About as well as can be expected, I guess." replied Tex, running her fingers through her hair. Deciding not to linger on the subject, she grabbed herself a can of beer, a slice of cake, and returned to her spot on the couch while Ivan started the next episode.

 ***Begin Episode 13***

 _ **Human Peer Bonding**_

 **The camera fades in to Tucker on top of Blue Base.**

" **Let me get this straight…" began Tucker, "You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the Reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And, on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?"**

" **In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary." confirmed Church.**

"Wait, _you're_ Church's Ex-girlfriend?" questioned North.

"You dated a Sim?" South quirked an eyebrow.

"Yes." Tex replied bluntly, "Anyone have a problem with that?" there was a moment of silence, "Thought so."

" **I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls never like me." Caboose chimed in.**

" **Caboose," Tucker turned to the blue rookie, "I don't think anybody likes you."**

"I doubt anyone likes you either." muttered South. Connie had no problem agreeing with her on that.

" **I like me…"**

" **I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure she's a chick?" Tucker asked as he turned back to Church, "And not a guy? Or like, part guy part shark?"**

"Tucker, that's just rude." Flowers admonished the aqua soldier.

" **I'm pretty sure I'd know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark." replied Church.**

" **Wait, oh wait, oh wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?" wondered Caboose.**

"What kind of question is that?" asked York.

" **Uh... because she's from Texas." explained Church. Caboose was silent at this answer.**

[What kind of explanation is that?] asked Maine.

" **Trust me, it makes sense." the ghost brushed it off, "And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault to begin with."**

" **Right." agreed Tucker, "You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now, half women, half sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!" the aqua soldier shouted at the sky.**

"Okay, dial it back a bit Tucker." said York.

" **Will you shut up with that?" Church asked, irritated, "She got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where they infused her armor with this** _ **really**_ **aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell."**

" **A.I…" Caboose repeated, "What's the A stand for?"**

" **Artificial." answered the local ghost. Caboose thought for a moment.**

" **...What's the I-"**

" **Intelligence." interrupted Church.**

" **Ooohhhhhhhhh, what was the A again?" asked Caboose.**

" **Let's move on." Church ignored him.**

" **So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer, but underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?" asked Tucker.**

Tex just laughed at that.

" **Oh hell no." Church replied, "She's always been a rotten bitch. It's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements."**

"Quite the… _unique_ relationship you two had." Wyoming commented.

"It was." Tex admitted, "And I will not be judged for it."

" **Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one." the aqua trooper replied sarcastically, "Good catch there, buddy. She's a keeper."**

" **So how're you doing, Caboose?" Church asked the rookie, "Are you following any of this whatsoever?"**

" **I think so…" Caboose responded slowly, "That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot!"**

"Pretty sure there's a fandom or two that have ships involving a gay robot…" Ivan muttered.

" **Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot." Church sarcastically confirmed. The camera then cuts to Grif and Simmons holding Tex at gunpoint.**

" **So, you're a girl, huh?" wondered Grif. Tex remained silent at his inquiry.**

" **Just ignore him," explained Simmons, "that's what I do."**

" **Not so tough now that we unloaded your weapon, are ya?" taunted the orange soldier.**

" **Hey, punk, I don't need a weapon to kill you." the Freelancer replied.**

" **Yeah, right." Grif wasn't buying it, "What're you gonna do? Punch me?" In response, Tex feints a lunge at Grif, causing the orange soldier to flinch and jump back.**

" **Ahh!" he cried, "Not in the face!"**

"You're just asking for it at this point." North pointed out. Everyone agreed.

 **The camera cuts back to Church on Blue Base.**

" **Well don't worry because I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex." explained the ghost.**

" **A plan? Oh, man, I hate plans." complained Tucker, "That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy or a ..mission statement?"**

" **I just need you guys to run a distraction, while I spring Tex."**

" **Distraction?" Caboose repeated nervously, "Heh. That sounds a lot like 'decoy.'"**

"That is a common way of serving as a distraction." Wyoming admitted.

" **The way I see it, the Reds have absolutely no idea how many Freelancers we have out here." Church explained his plan, "So all I need from the two of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon, wearing black armor, while I sneak in the back of the base."**

"That's actually a pretty solid plan." York pointed out.

 _But how is Church supposed to do anything if he's a ghost?_ Wondered Ivan, _Unless…_

" **Sounds good. But Church, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor?" Tucker pointed out. Church responds by looking at the teleporter. Tucker looks at it as well, before turning back to Church**

" **...Oh fuckberries…" the aqua trooper immediately catches on to what Church has planned.**

 ***End Episode***

"Okay," said North, "Unless there are more packages incoming, we should probably start the next episode."

"Already on it." Ivan reported as he lifted the remote.

 **Author's Note**

 **Okay, I know it has been *cringes* over a year since I last updated Freelancers React, and I am so sorry. A big part of the reason is that college took up a lot of my time, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't also have trouble finding motivation to get writing. Again, I'm really sorry about the wait, but the Fic isn't dead. I recently finished a semester so I should be able to get more writing done. That aside, replies:**

 **Beta117**

 **I can understand that, whenever I read Fics of characters reacting to stuff like Death Battle or RWBY I tend to skim the parts of the actual show unless it's a Fan-made Death Battle or the RWBY portion is a crossover fic. Glad to see you're still enjoying this!**

 **Shadow the Ranger**

 **As happy as I am to see you enjoying this, I have to say again that with how long it can take me to get a chapter out with only two episodes per chapter, if I add anymore episodes I will literally** _ **never**_ **get around to writing/uploading.**

 **Aquirs-Chan**

 **As you can see, they appreciated the snack!**

 **Sailor Luck**

 **I'll address Epsilon!Church's fragmentation at a later date, but as for the other A.I.s, getting erased by the E.M.P kind of rendered them Deader Than Dead.**

 **Powermaxwax**

 **Thank you for the support!**

 **Shiranai Atsune**

 **Sorry for the wait, but we're not dead just yet! The Freelancers put it together pretty quick that Church is an A.I. and I'm not sure about the subconscious memories, but it is an interesting thought.**

 **D3F4LT**

 **Glad to see you're still enjoying this, sorry for taking so long.**

 **Pensuka**

 **Things are gonna be pretty crazy, but sooner or later they're just gonna get numb to it, 'Oh, it's the Reds and Blues, when** _ **aren't**_ **they getting into some crazy shit?'**

 **honeybadger894**

 **They've gotten some, and you're more than welcome to send some more in!**

 **BraveSeeker3**

 **People forget stuff, it's no big deal.**

 **Haydenunstopable**

 **Oh, yeah, Season 16… So much for getting a fire under my butt *sweatdrops***

 **Whiterhunter105**

 **Not giving up yet! There's still so much I want to do!**

 **Guest**

 **Well, worry not! Because I am here! (at the moment)**

 **Guest**

 **Not dead yet, too lazy to die!**

 **Bomberguy789**

 **I can understand where you're coming from, but there will be times when the Reds and Blues do something so amazing/amazingly stupid that the Freelancers won't be able to wait until the end.**

 **PolishFreelancer115**

 **I'm trying!**

 **SuperedX**

 **Is that a fact? Well, I'm glad you enjoy my work!**

 **Mega Float Guest**

 **Guess it just hasn't occurred to her yet, then again, York hasn't noticed either…**

 **RelativityTargaryen**

 **I'll try and get the next chapter out soon, and yeah, definitely looking forward to Lopez's snark.**

 **Phalanx30**

 **Yeah, both have gotten fucked one way or the other.**

 **Guest**

 **They'll watch parts of it, and I have something really special planned for one of them.**

 **Guest**

 **I like to think that by that time, everyone will have gotten attached to the Reds and Blues, so not looking forward to that…**

 **Sacke110 (get ready to see this name a bunch of times in a row)**

 **Glad to see you like the way I handled things**

 **Sacke110**

 **I like to think this is ongoing, there will just be hiatuses from time to time.**

 **Sacke110**

 **Gotta savor this sort of thing**

 **Sacke110**

 **Definitely looking forward to that**

 **Sacke110**

 **It will definitely be a new experience for Tex to be the butt of some jokes**

 **Sacke110**

 **And I'm glad to hear it!**

 **Guest**

 **Will**

 **Lord Of Memory**

 **Glad to hear you enjoy it!**

 **Neo the Hybrid**

 **Glad to hear it, I'm trying but college and laziness are bitches**

 **The first choice**

 **I can see where you're coming from, but I'm not sure if I would really be able to judge something like that.**

 **Mastergamer14**

 **Yeah, their gonna flip when they learn about the Alpha. As for the Cosmic Forces, Ivan will not have heard of them before, he is familiar with concepts like multiverse and multiple timelines, but he's not all-seeing or anything. Not sure about the Freelancers getting their own story arc, the Underworld doesn't like letting the dead roam the land of the living. Ivan was only able to get special permission because they're just going to be watching videos, and I do plan on involving at least some of the mini series.**

 **RWBYSTRQ**

 **Glad to hear you enjoy it!**

 **GenderqueerWriter**

 **I'll try!**

 **x-the hedgehog**

 **I'm doing my best**

 **Guest**

 **You really think so? Thanks! Yeah, it's going to be fun writing the reactions for that sort of stuff.**

 **Gruntsbreeder**

 **Thanks**

 **Seanymichaelcaroll**

 **I'm trying to write, but college and I'm lazy…**

 **Guest**

 **It's a big cat. Y'know, like a lion**

 **Autumncat210**

 **Trying, sorry!**

 **AgentTexasSister**

 **They appreciate the gifts, too bad Wash had to detonate that E.M.P. Oh, and a sniper rifle isn't part of someone's personality.**

 **BlueFireDemon**

 **I'm trying, sorry for the wait!**

 **Sai Kunai Blade**

 **Glad to see you enjoy it! And I have to say, I love Team SCRN and The Bat and the Blonde!**

 **DEADDEADDEADDEAD**

 **You must be new around these parts. WE DON'T DIE EVEN IF WE'RE KILLED!**

 **Darkmaster10000000**

 **It will certainly be interesting.**

 **Seanymichaelcaroll**

 **I try, man, I try.**

 **Zilla**

 **Caboose isn't a Freelancer, Carolina is still alive (and so are the triplets if I recall), and I have nothing to go on for the personalities of any of the ones killed by Temple.**

 **The first choice**

 **Really sorry, but a four episode chapter will never happen simply because I would never be able to get motivated enough to do that much writing for a single chapter. Sorry.**

 **Zilla**

 **They'll show up for a special episode.**

 **Icedshadows**

 **Simmons has yet to actually poison one of Grif's meals, on the other hand, Grif left Simmons behind when there was a clear and present threat (a tank).**

 **Majestic**

 **THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK**

 **Dominic03**

 **Glad to hear you think it's funny, BUT WE AIN'T DEAD YET**

 **MKDemigodZ-Warrior**

 **I believe this should answer your question, sorry for the wait.**

 **Damn, eight whole pages of replies. I guess this is what I get for going on hiatus for so long… Oh, well. If you this story, be sure to Follow it so you can get notified when there's a new chapter. If you like my writing, be sure to give some of my other Fics a look-see. Be sure to leave a reply and let me know what you think, I'm always open to constructive criticism! This is FinchFlyingAce, formerly Finch Daemon, signing out! Peace!**


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